Monday, 18 September 2017

Why I Don't Like Lists on Twitter...

and Why I Don’t Want You to Add Me to Them.

You may have noticed on Twitter that whenever I get added to a list, I ask to be removed and here is the reason why; I find it extremely triggering. Now, that should be where I leave that statement but, whenever I ask to be removed, I always get asked “why?”  And I’m rather fed up of it. It’s not because I’m being rude and don’t want to talk to anyone/want to cause an argument/want to be difficult but it seems to be the case that no one has thought that maybe I just don’t want to talk about it? Why? It’s painful. But no; they want answers and never seem to be satisfied with “please can you remove me?” Or with the follow up: “because of personal reasons”. Is that not enough? To be asked nicely? To be told it’s a personal matter? To be honest, it’s really not anyone’s business but my own and I shouldn’t (I don’t, really) owe you an explanation but there are those who still want to know so here we go:

Back when I was in high school, people used to add me to lists all the time (not just via Twitter – I don’t think they were an option back then) and let’s just say they weren’t for anything nice. So now every time I get added to one, my brain goes to “why have they done this? Who is going to see this and what have I done “wrong” to warrant being put on a list?” It was traumatising, to say the least, that I could just go about my normal day (going to classes, keeping to myself, barely looking at anyone or interacting with them) and still be put on a list for “Fattest Bitches in S4” that I would then be sent or even tagged in. Yes; back then I was fat (still am) but it’s not like it was such a secret that I didn’t know and needed to be told – or the rest of the school.
Do you know how traumatising that form of bullying can be? To be put on lists of “People to Avoid” when your biggest crime was just wanting to learn? I know there will be some people who will question whether or not that is bullying and I think, if you have to question it, then you should take a good, long, hard look at some of your own actions and decide whether or not they are potentially harmful. It’s not only humiliating but extremely damaging to your self-confidence & self-esteem and can make people so depressed over why others can’t just accept them for whom they are that they don’t want to be alive because, according to that lovely list, they don’t deserve to be.
So, naturally, now whenever I get added to a list, I’m instantly transported back to that time and back to feeling like I don’t belong.  I hate feeling like that so therefore would rather not a) be put on lists and b) be asked about why I don’t want to be on them.

The next time someone asks to be removed from a list, group chat etc or for you to stop doing something to them I want you to ask yourself these important questions:
Could it be a personal, private reason as to why the person doesn’t want to be included?
Could asking be potentially triggering?
Do I want to be the cause of someone’s pain?

And then, if you still want to know the reasons why, ask yourself this final question:
Is it any of my f------ business?
The answer is no. It’s not. They don’t owe you an explanation at all and you have no right to be asking why.
Please be considerate of other people’s feelings and don’t pry; if they wanted to tell you then they would.

Now that you know why I don’t like them or want to be added to them, if you still really want to add me to a one; ask me first and tell me what the nature of your list is. If I say “no”; it’s nothing personal to do with you and, again, I’m not trying to be difficult; I have my reasons and I really don’t want to talk about them. It’s not beneficial to you to know and it’s certainly not to me. Oh, and please be following my account first otherwise you just look like a stalker and it makes me even more anxious knowing that someone I don’t know has added me to something.


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