Monday, 18 September 2017

Why I Don't Like Lists on Twitter...

and Why I Don’t Want You to Add Me to Them.


You may have noticed on Twitter that whenever I get added to a list, I ask to be removed and here is the reason why; I find it extremely triggering. Now, that should be where I leave that statement but, whenever I ask to be removed, I always get asked “why?”  And I’m rather fed up of it. It’s not because I’m being rude and don’t want to talk to anyone/want to cause an argument/want to be difficult but it seems to be the case that no one has thought that maybe I just don’t want to talk about it? Why? It’s painful. But no; they want answers and never seem to be satisfied with “please can you remove me?” Or with the follow up: “because of personal reasons”. Is that not enough? To be asked nicely? To be told it’s a personal matter? To be honest, it’s really not anyone’s business but my own and I shouldn’t (I don’t, really) owe you an explanation but there are those who still want to know so here we go:

Back when I was in high school, people used to add me to lists all the time (not just via Twitter – I don’t think they were an option back then) and let’s just say they weren’t for anything nice. So now every time I get added to one, my brain goes to “why have they done this? Who is going to see this and what have I done “wrong” to warrant being put on a list?” It was traumatising, to say the least, that I could just go about my normal day (going to classes, keeping to myself, barely looking at anyone or interacting with them) and still be put on a list for “Fattest Bitches in S4” that I would then be sent or even tagged in. Yes; back then I was fat (still am) but it’s not like it was such a secret that I didn’t know and needed to be told – or the rest of the school.
Do you know how traumatising that form of bullying can be? To be put on lists of “People to Avoid” when your biggest crime was just wanting to learn? I know there will be some people who will question whether or not that is bullying and I think, if you have to question it, then you should take a good, long, hard look at some of your own actions and decided whether or not they are potentially harmful. It’s not only humiliating but extremely damaging to your self-confidence & self-esteem and can make people so depressed over why others can’t just accept them for whom they are that they don’t want to be alive because, according to that lovely list, they don’t deserve to be.
So, naturally, now whenever I get added to a list, I’m instantly transported back to that time and back to feeling like I don’t belong.  I hate feeling like that so therefore would rather not a) be put on lists and b) be asked about why I don’t want to be on them.

The next time someone asks to be removed from a list, group chat etc or for you to stop doing something to them I want you to ask yourself these important questions:
Could it be a personal, private reason as to why the person doesn’t want to be included?
Could asking be potentially triggering?
Do I want to be the cause of someone’s pain?

And then, if you still want to know the reasons why, ask yourself this final question:
Is it any of my f------ business?
The answer is no. It’s not. They don’t owe you an explanation at all and you have no right to be asking why.
Please be considerate of other people’s feelings and don’t pry; if they wanted to tell you then they would.

Now that you know why I don’t like them or want to be added to them, if you still really want to add me to a one; ask me first and tell me what the nature of your list is. If I say “no”; it’s nothing personal to do with you and, again, I’m not trying to be difficult; I have my reasons and I really don’t want to talk about them. It’s not beneficial to you to know and it’s certainly not to me. Oh, and please be following my account first otherwise you just look like a stalker and it makes me even more anxious knowing that someone I don’t know has added me to something.

Anxiously,
Me


You Can Find Anxiously, Me on:
This blog
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram

Friday, 8 September 2017

Self-Care Q&A Response #10 ft Will

Self –Care Q &A/Tag

Hi everyone!
The final response is from the lovely Will. It’s crazy to think that this is the 10th week in a row where I have been fortunate enough to post one a week to complete the series. You can find Will on Twitter and on his website. Let’s get into it!


1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

W: I have times when everything I can think of that I must do feels hopeless, or overwhelming. I begin to instinctively search for a reason as to why I feel that way, and naturally begin to criticize myself for being weak or pathetic. It took a long time, but now when I start thinking that way, I take a step back from my thoughts and tell myself I need to seek distraction and some kind of comfort.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

I have rarely been fortunate enough to have someone to whom I can turn when I need some self-care. And when I have grown close enough to someone that I try to share those feelings with them, it is all the more painful when they leave me. I would love to feel that I can depend on someone, but after a series of losses in that department, most of which I don't really understand, I find that it's safest for me to take care of myself alone. I do find that I feel safest and calmest when I can be alone during times when I need to self-care.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

I am a carer for my mother, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease about 15 months ago. As such, I do find it almost impossible to make time for myself. Furthermore, when I do manage to get some alone time or leave the house for a while, I find I am constantly worrying about her and feel a pull to return home and make sure everything is ok.


4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

My mum is an obvious thing that makes it difficult, but I find that other people in general disrupt my "me" time. I've always been the person that people come to for support/advice - the big brother, the carer, the mature friend - I am afraid to ever talk for more than a few moments about myself. As such, I internalise a lot, which I know is unhealthy, but I genuinely feel like I have no choice but to do that. I do enjoy taking time alone to slow down my thoughts, but really I think having someone I felt I could depend on would be the best thing that could happen to me. Sadly, I think it's just science fiction for me - I don't have a clue how to find that person.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

All the time. I know that all of my family are having difficulties, and it seems I am the only person who can help, so when I take time for myself I am letting them down.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I do try to fit in some "me" time every day, but often it is just the period of time that I lay in bed before falling asleep. I often find that to be the worst time for depressive thoughts to get the better of me, as I am alone with just them.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

No, I have had routines in the past that often turned into something akin to rituals. They often become quite time consuming and impractical, so I try to avoid those kinds of routines now.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

I like to write, or to make music, when I'm not feeling myself - I find my creativity peaks when depression takes hold (unless it grips me particularly powerfully, in which case I become very unproductive). I also like to try and exercise, or meditate. I don't find loved ones to be helpful; in fact, I've found on numerous occasions that when I reveal that side of myself, people back away from me. So I try not to let it show anymore, because nothing hurts more than exposing your vulnerability and being rejected.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

To be honest, the most effective mantra I can say to myself is "f*ck it!" And "it will pass". If I can convince myself that things don't matter as much as my depressed self thinks they do, and that the bad feeling will pass, then I can usually ride it out.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

You are beautiful, and you are special. You are braver than any 'normal' person out there, and you are not the only person who feels the way you do. Have courage, and be aware that your mental health condition is the thing that makes you special, as much as it makes you suffer. What you see as your flaws are merely details that make you the perfect 'you', and no-one is better at being you! Please try to let people know bout how you feel as soon as possible; the longer you hold it inside, the worse it will get, and the harder it will be to communicate it with people. And do a little bit of research about 'Indigo Children' - maybe you're one!


~ We are at the end of this run of responses. It’s been a fun run and hopefully I’ll be back with some more in the new year! I did originally have 15 people interested in posting responses but I’m still waiting on them getting back to so thought it best to stop after 10 and then pick it back up again later when I have x amount more.


Anxiously,
Me

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised.

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
This blog

Monday, 4 September 2017

A Bit of a Slump/Announcement

Right now I am in a bit of a slump when it comes to how I'm feeling, getting motivated and figuring out what I want to write about. I feel so awful all of the time; I'm exhausted even though I'm sleeping better than I have done in years, every little thing is getting to me and my anxiety and depression are really bad. I can't be bothered to do anything hence why, when I'm feeling OK, I always talk about how much writing I'm doing. I get it all "out of the way" as I know that feeling is only temporary and I'll go back to feeling really down and demotivated in a short while. It gives me a chance of keeping this blog on a schedule and also allows me to recover whilst still only posting promotional Tweets/Facebook posts now that my scheduler is working.

For now I'm taking a bit of a social media break, something which I know a lot of you already know about and have been really supportive of so far (thank you; it means so much), but I really would love to know if there is anything you want to see more of this month.
Here are some things I wouldn't mind doing/talking about:

Tags/Q&As
Posts on bullying, school etc
How To posts (like my untagging one)

Is there anything you would like to see? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter/Facebook and I'll see what I can do!

Speak of future posts, that brings me onto my announcement; I will be taking part in Blogtober this year! I have already written some posts on my good days for said event and have a set schedule for that. Is there anything you want to see during Blogtober? Again, please let me know in the comments; I always look forward to reading them and interacting with you all.

Thanks for being so supportive 💖

Anxiously,

Me

You Can Find Anxiously Me on:
This blog
Twitter
Facebook
& Instagram

Friday, 1 September 2017

Self-Care Q&A Response #9 with Becca

Self –Care Q &A/Tag


My friend Becca is the guest poster this week! You can find her on Twitter and on her blog right here. As always; my #ff recommendation is the guest of the week so go follow her and say “hi”!


1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

Because of my depression, i will feel really low and get very anxious. Then me and my partner know I need some 'me' time.


2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

It can vary. Sometimes I will take some time out; have a bath or read a book. Sometimes I will spend some time with my other half. Watch a movie or just cuddle.


3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

Yes extremely. With two children finding the time can be hard.


4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

The children, although I don't find it 'gets' in the way. I always have to think of them before myself.


5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

All the time!!


6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

Only when I feel I need it!


7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

Relaxing, my me time is usually a bath or a long shower or laying in my bed and reading! If I can't do that I don't usually do anything else.


8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

I read blog, books, being with my family is a great way to cheer myself up.


9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

I always say "take it one step at a time"


10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

Do whatever makes you calm or happy. That is what makes it self care. Caring for yourself


~ Question of the week; do you have a self-care routine? Let me know in the comments below!


Anxiously,

Me

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised.

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
This blog

Get To Know Me Part 2

Hi everyone! Here is part 2 of the "Get To Know Me" post that I did last Friday to celebrate one year of being with Blogger. If ...

Anxiously, Me