Why I Don't Like Lists on Twitter...

… and Why I Don’t Want You to Add Me to Them.

You may have noticed on Twitter that whenever I get added to a list, I ask to be removed and here is the reason why; I find it extremely triggering. Now, that should be where I leave that statement but, whenever I ask to be removed, I always get asked “why?”  And I’m rather fed up of it. It’s not because I’m being rude and don’t want to talk to anyone/want to cause an argument/want to be difficult but it seems to be the case that no one has thought that maybe I just don’t want to talk about it? Why? It’s painful. But no; they want answers and never seem to be satisfied with “please can you remove me?” Or with the follow up: “because of personal reasons”. Is that not enough? To be asked nicely? To be told it’s a personal matter? To be honest, it’s really not anyone’s business but my own and I shouldn’t (I don’t, really) owe you an explanation but there are those who still want to know so here we go:

Back when I was in high school, people used to add me to lists all the time (not just via Twitter – I don’t think they were an option back then) and let’s just say they weren’t for anything nice. So now every time I get added to one, my brain goes to “why have they done this? Who is going to see this and what have I done “wrong” to warrant being put on a list?” It was traumatising, to say the least, that I could just go about my normal day (going to classes, keeping to myself, barely looking at anyone or interacting with them) and still be put on a list for “Fattest Bitches in S4” that I would then be sent or even tagged in. Yes; back then I was fat (still am) but it’s not like it was such a secret that I didn’t know and needed to be told – or the rest of the school.
Do you know how traumatising that form of bullying can be? To be put on lists of “People to Avoid” when your biggest crime was just wanting to learn? I know there will be some people who will question whether or not that is bullying and I think, if you have to question it, then you should take a good, long, hard look at some of your own actions and decide whether or not they are potentially harmful. It’s not only humiliating but extremely damaging to your self-confidence & self-esteem and can make people so depressed over why others can’t just accept them for whom they are that they don’t want to be alive because, according to that lovely list, they don’t deserve to be.
So, naturally, now whenever I get added to a list, I’m instantly transported back to that time and back to feeling like I don’t belong.  I hate feeling like that so therefore would rather not a) be put on lists and b) be asked about why I don’t want to be on them.

The next time someone asks to be removed from a list, group chat etc or for you to stop doing something to them I want you to ask yourself these important questions:

Could it be a personal, private reason as to why the person doesn’t want to be included?
Could asking be potentially triggering?
Do I want to be the cause of someone’s pain?

And then, if you still want to know the reasons why, ask yourself this final question:
Is it any of my f------ business?

The answer is no. It’s not. They don’t owe you an explanation at all and you have no right to be asking why.

Please be considerate of other people’s feelings and don’t pry; if they wanted to tell you then they would.

Now that you know why I don’t like them or want to be added to them, if you still really want to add me to a one; ask me first and tell me what the nature of your list is. If I say “no”; it’s nothing personal to do with you and, again, I’m not trying to be difficult; I have my reasons and I really don’t want to talk about them. It’s not beneficial to you to know and it’s certainly not to me. Oh, and please be following my account first otherwise you just look like a stalker and it makes me even more anxious knowing that someone I don’t know has added me to something.

Anxiously,
Me

You Can Find Anxiously, Me on:
This blog
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram

The Versatile Blogger Award

The Versatile Blogger Award!

It’s been such an exciting time here on the blog and over on Twitter in the last two months that I can barely keep up! I reached my first goal of getting 1k views on my blog - a goal that I had set for the end of last month (27^th July to be precise) to mark 3 months of having transferred my blog over here to Blogger and ended up smashing it 23 days early. The blog is now so close to 5k views. That’s insane! It really blows my mind that there are people out there who actually want to read about what I have to say and who are so supportive. I was also nominated for my first blogger award (Liebster) and now I’m so thrilled to announce that I have been nominated for a second!

The amazing Cairon at Travel Bear nominated me for the “Versatile Blogger Award” (VBA) and I am just speechless. Someone genuinely found my writing interesting/good enough to nominate me for an award and it’s just one of the biggest compliments a blogger can ever receive. I actually got a little panicky when I logged into Twitter to see I had so many notifications, to tell you the truth, and was so relieved to see it was from this sweet, sweet creature and her other nominees. Cairon’s blog tagline is “Travel. Sass. Life” and it is just that. She’s such a lovely person to talk to; one of these people that you can instantly have a conversation with rather than the usual pleasantries and then never hearing from the other person again as the conversation was so dull that you fear that they had died of boredom.

The “Versatile Blogger Award” is in recognition of bloggers who post quality content/writing as well as those who offer a unique perspective on topics that may not be as widely talked about in such a personal way. Its aim is to recognise bloggers who you think make a real difference in the world/to the world of blogging. You can find the website for the award here and should refer to it if you have any questions that I may not be able to answer about it.

The Rules of Being Nominated Are:

·          Thank the person who gave you this award. 

·          Include a link to their blog — if you can figure out how to do it.

·          Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.

·          Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — include a link to this site.

·          Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

As you can see above, the Cairon at Travel Bear nominated me. You can find her Twitter here. I recommend giving her a follow; she’s so friendly and really does post quality content. I wholeheartedly agree with Tallulah for nominating her for it and you can read all about that by going to Cairon’s blog.

These are 7 things about me:

1. I have been blogging for years. I started out when I was about 12 (13 years ago now) when blogging really wasn’t a “thing” or that heard of.  Similarly; I have been working on websites for just as long. Aside from my blog, I have a website that I maintain but don’t ever advertise as being mine on Twitter.

2. I would love to be well enough to travel to close places like Ireland (you’ll get why after my next fact lol) and go on longer-haul flights to places such as Greece. I would love to go back to Bulgaria.

3. I love Westlife. Musically, they were my first loves and I was over the moon (still am) to have met them when I was 19.

4. I really want to be a published author. Writing is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing when I go to sleep. I always have a notepad on me (physically or virtually via my phone/tablet).

5. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before on my blog but I have OCD traits when I get really ill with anxiety. When I’m home alone I’m constantly checking doors and windows to make sure they are locked even if I  know for a fact that they are as I locked them myself.

6.  When I was well enough to work, a customer once offered to buy and ship me a bottle of wine (or 3 as they said!) for helping them out over the phone for being “so helpful, kind and understanding”. It really made my day as I had lost faith in humanity up until that point.

7. I find music really empowering/emotional. However; there a few songs that make me cry. Three of them are related to the grandparents I have lost. Believe it or not; “Dancing Queen” by Abba is one of them (long story).

My 15 Nominees Are:

*Courtney – UnfilteredMama. Courtney’s life story and posts are captivating.  She writes about her painful past experiences with an ex and her new life. She was also my first friend to come from blogging and she’s been nothing but supportive since our first chat. She also nominated me for my first blogger award which gave me a really helped with my confidence.

Bree – BilpolarBree. As you can tell by the title, Bree blogs about living with bipolar disorder. She also writes about dealing with anxiety & addiction. Bree’s posts read like diary/journal entries and she was the first blogger that I came across who wrote in this style. I find her writing intriguing and always leave wanting to read more from her.

*Katie – Katie’s Sanctuary. Lovely, lovely lass who blogs about beauty, lifestyle and mental health. As I’m not really a follower of anything to do with beauty (most days I can barely bring myself to brush my hair), it takes a really special person/blog to catch my eye. Katie’s did just that. What really sold reading posts about Lush hauls etc was just how friendly and enthusiastic about her blog she is which made me really want to read it.

*Kayleigh – My Little Brushneen Blog. Kayleigh is a family/lifestyle blogger who also posts about dealing with anxiety. One of her fonts reminds me of the styling of the “My Little Pony” brand so I felt a strong pull of nostalgia when I first viewed her blog. She’s another really nice lass who has made me feel so welcome in the blogging community.

*Phil – Moneyless Man. Phil is someone who I think is really hard-working. Not only is he working on getting himself out of debt (and succeeding), he’s also sharing his story/tips with you so that you have someone to share the journey with.

                                                                                                                              

Allanah – Allannah Louise. I’ve just discovered Allannah’s blog and I’m so glad that she was in my “recommended” list of who to follow on Twitter. Did you know that not only was her original blog deleted but she RESURECTED IT! If that isn’t motivation enough to keep going when life (and hosts) throw s*** your way then I don’t know what is.

Leila – Leila Land. I first came across Leila when I was looking for people to nominate for the Liebster Award. I was thoroughly miserable and at the end of my tether looking for bloggers who hadn’t been nominated and then there she was like this beacon of light. She was so nice when replying to this complete and utter stranger who was asking her if she had less than 200 subs on her blog and didn’t take me for being a complete weirdo (which I’m actually OK with). She blogs about beauty & lifestyle and she also has a stellar YouTube channel.

Jess – Queen Sapphire. Jess is such a lovely soul. We haven’t actually communicated with each other but I see her Tweets and her blog and that is enough for me to make that judgement about her. Jess blogs about just about everything which is great for people like me who aren’t interested in, say fashion posts, but love unboxings and posts about mental health.

Kathryn – Just Kathryn. Kathryn. Where do I start? Not only does she come across as such a genuinely kind person but she keeps going even when life gets tough. At least one of her posts has made me cry. Not because she’s talked about one of my triggers but because her writing really makes you feel whatever emotion she was going through when she wrote it. If you look for anything in a writer (whether it’s a blogger, freelancer or author etc) then it should be that.

Katie Lou -   A Mother’s Love. Katie Lou is a mermerising storyteller who I aspire to be like in my own (fictional) storytelling (not on my blog). She writes about depression and motherhood.

Tiffany – Food and other Loves. Tiffany was the first person to make me feel welcome to the blogging world. She encouraged me to post my first ever response to a tag (Mental Health) which I originally saw on her blog.

Lydia – mademoisellewomen. Lydia’s blog is home to her writings about living with asperger’s syndrome as well as reviews and interviews with authors, bloggers etc. Her blog caught my eye as someone really close to me also has aspergers syndrome and I thought her blog would be helpful in understanding it.  She also comes across as being really friendly in her writing.

Tamara – The Epileptic Blogger. Writing style inspiration right here. Another lady who not only makes me want to read every last word of hers, but who makes me want to better my own work. Fantastic writer.

Jude – Loving Mental Health. Jude is a new (in the last week) follower/followee (not a word but go with me on this one) of mine and she’s honestly such warm, kind lady. She writes about what it is like living with bipolar disease, and like with Bree’s posts, whilst it’s not something I relate to illness/mindset-wise, I do enjoy reading about how she keeps herself well. I hope to have many more conversations with her.

Bunnie – Happy Bunnie Blog. Bunnie blogs openly about her struggles with depression and food - both of which I relate to. She’s so honest about how she feels/is getting on and I find that endearing. She’s also a fan of Grace Helbig’s podcast, Not Too Deep, so she ticks all of my boxes in what I look for not only in whom I follow but who I reach out to as a potential friend.

Apologies if any of you have been nominated before but I think that it is wonderful that more than one person thought of you for said award. It means we read the requirements for the nominees and you were the first person/people we thought of. I’ve also included one/some of the reasons why I thought of you for this award (why you’ve made a difference in my life/ the blogging community/why others should check you out). Please let me know how you all get on with your award posts; I would love to have a read of them!

Anxiously,

Me

*Anyone with a * next to their name has also either been featured on my blog before or has inspired a post/tagged me in one. You can check out their guest posts below!

Courtney: Nominated me for the Liebster Award. Wrote a response to my Self-Care Q&A here.

Katie: Wrote a response to my Self-Care Q&A here.

Kayleigh: Wrote a response to my Self-Care Q&A here.

Phil: Wrote a response to my Self-Care Q&A here.

Tiffany: Discovered the Mental Health Tag on her blog.

** If any of my nominees want me to change/fix anything (the use of pronouns etc) then please let me know and I will do so accordingly. I completely understand if me getting something like that wrong makes you mad but I would appreciate not having any insults or horrible remarks thrown my way if you do need to correct me. It has not been (and never will be) my intention to hurt anyone.

You can find Anxiously, Me on:

This blog

Twitter: www.twitter.com/AnxiouslyMeBlog

Facebook: www.facebook.com/AnxiouslyMe

Instagram: www.instagram.com/AnxiouslyMeBlogger

Self-Care Response #8 with Nikki

Self –Care Q &A/Tag

This week’s guest responder is Nikki. You can find her on Twitter and on her blog. It’s just a short one this week but still very valid to my blog.

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

N: I know when I'm in need of self care if I feel like things are getting too much to handle and if my daily routine is becoming a struggle.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

Usually I go have a nap if I'm on my own. Or I go to my boyfriend.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

Yes I find it hard to find time for myself. I feel like I should always be doing things to make others happy. It's a way to occupy myself from my ptsd.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

My own stubbornness gets in the way of me time because I'm still in denial that I'm mentally ill.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

Not really.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I just get me time when I can.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

No. I will either have a nap. Or dye my hair and style it.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

I can't cheer myself up on my own. I have to get help from someone else otherwise I go downhill.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

'Everything happens for a reason'

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

Tip: listen to yourself. Only you know what you need, no one else.

~ That is it for this week! Again, you can find Nikki on Twitter and her blog.

I have something that I am super excited about to share with you Monday but until then; please stick around and see what else my blog has to offer.

Anxiously,

Me

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised.

You can find Anxiously, Me on:

This blog

Twitter: www.twitter.com/AnxiouslyMeBlog

Facebook: www.facebook.com/AnxiouslyMe

Instagram: www.instagram.com/AnxiouslyMeBlogger