Mental Health Tag #MHAW17

Mental Health Tag 2017

Back in May I was made aware of the “Mental Health Tag” through a retweet of the lovely Tiffany’s (“Food and Other Loves”) take on the questions. I asked her if I could join in and she told me to “go for it” so here we are! I’ll leave a blank copy in the comments below if you want to do the same!

1. What is your mental health issue?

I have severe anxiety (generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety). This includes panic attacks (during bad spells I hyperventilate multiple times a day) but I feel physical symptoms of anxiety every day, agoraphobia and mild OCD (flares up when really anxious and/or stressed). I have also been struggling with depression from a very young age (showed signs of it when I was around 9-14, was full-blown by the time I was 15 and finally diagnosed at 19 after going to the doctors for years).

2. Do you have medication and/or therapy?

Yes; both.

3. What therapy/medication have you tried and have any worked for you?

I was first prescribed anti-depressants when I was 19 but didn’t take them as I wanted to get better on my own. When that didn’t happen I began taking citalopram when I was 21 and the dosage was upped before my 22^nd birthday. I was then switched to fluoxetine (Prozac) when I was 23 as it wasn’t working. I felt the same on fluoxetine as I do “normally” so I’ll be honest and say I stopped taking it a while ago.

I’ve had counselling on and off since I was 9 and am now awaiting an appointment with the mental health services which could take 5 months+ to get. I’ve also been to group sessions for mindfulness, anxiety management and self-esteem, and I’m currently going to drop-in sessions. I try to go at least once a week. The drop-in sessions are great as I get to chat to others and not feel as lonely but it takes a toll on me.

I also did a programme called “Beating the Blues” were I sat in a sectioned off area at a computer and answered questions about how I felt each week but that wasn’t helpful at all.

4. How long have you had problems for?

I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember – I’ve never known life without it – and I’ve had depression (official diagnosis) since I was 19 but had showed signs of having it from as young as 9.

5. Do your family/friends know?

Yes; I am very open and honest with them as issues affect me on a daily basis. My immediate family knows when I’m having a bad day as they know what signs to look out for and, with friends, I’ve started telling them that I can’t go out because I’m too anxious or feel too ill from physical symptoms when I’m having really bad days.

6. Does this affect your work and daily living?

Definitely. I can’t work because of how anxious I get (this relates back to mental bullying and having no confidence). I get tongue-tied and start stuttering. I completely shut down and it’s not through lack of trying to calm myself down. My anxiety is so severe that I have ton plan everything down to the last detail – what time I have to wake up, when I have to get on the bus, how long I can stay somewhere before it gets busy – so that I know I have an escape plan for when things get too much. It takes me days (during good spells) to work up the courage to even put the recycling in the bins and it can take weeks for me to be ready to face just the thought of going into town.

I have to lock the doors when I’m the only one home and every little noise makes my shoulders go up towards my ears. It’s like being scared on a daily basis that something terrible is going to happen – even when nothing happens. Having said that: I love scary movies. This is probably because I know it’s just a movie and will end either on its own or if I stop it. It’s a part of being scared that I can have control over.

7. What makes you feel calm?

Music plays a big part in keeping me calm. I will sit with headphones on if I’m on any kind of transport (or if I’m walking), or if I’m at home I will be in my bedroom with my music up loud (but only if there is someone else home). I started this blog as a way of keeping me busy so that I wouldn’t have to think about the noises and the constant feeling of being scared. I also read a lot and that helps me to focus on something rather than my fears of something bad happening.

8. What do you do in crisis?

I tend to stay in my room and be alone. Although; I did have a breakdown recently and that made me feel even worse about being alone so I’ve been downstairs all of the time (unless I’m trying to sleep) and have been hanging out with my parents more.

As per my answer to the last question; I listen to music or I watch anything on TV (usually whilst on my last top at the same time to “keep busy”) from box sets to YouTube and Netflix.

If I’m having that bad of a time where social media is getting me down then I will go offline for days, even weeks, at a time and don’t touch the laptop until I feel better. I even put my phone in a drawer so that I’m not tempted to go online.

9. What advice would you give to others suffering?

I suggest seeking help and letting other people (parents, teachers, best friends - people you trust and those who need to know in order to support you). Keep pushing to get taken seriously and to get a diagnosis if need be. I had to persist all throughout my teenage years to get a formal diagnosis for depression (it was blamed on teenage hormones but I knew it was more severe than that) and then I had to keep going back for another 4 years until I was then told that I had severe anxiety and actually given help.

Also; plan. If going somewhere is stressing you out then plan it out. Know how you are going to get to/from a place, make sure you have enough money for transport, food etc and make sure that if you are meeting up with someone that they (and you) know what time (roughly) you will get there and where to meet up. If it helps; call the person you are meeting whilst you are en route and talk to them. You don’t have to talk about your plans/worries about meeting them if you’re like me and worry that you’re going to annoy them. It can be about anything that helps take your mind off of things.

If you’re having a bad day and want/need to be alone then make sure you have your comforts. Personally I like to lie under a really soft, thick blanket and watch TV or read a book. There’s no judgement here if your comfort lies in an old teddy or a specific piece of clothing. If it makes you happy and makes you feel safe then it is the best thing for you to help you recover.

10. What makes you smile?

At the moment it’s reruns of “2 Broke Girls” and “Pretty Little Liars”. Again, my favourite music and artists make me smile – or even just make me feel a little happier. YouTubers like Liza Koshy, Jenna Marbles and Lilly Singh also make me smile. They always make me laugh and Lilly’s vlogs, especially, really help with getting motivated to type up a blog post or to even just find the will to get out of bed.

11. Describe your mental health issue in 5 words –

Challenging, terrifying, confusing, lonely & exhausting.

12. Insert a picture to make people smile –

I couldn't find what I had in mind so instead please enjoy this link to Jenna Marbles' video of her and Julien (Solomita) making things for their hamster. 

"Making Tiny Things For Our Hamster" - Jenna Marbles

Well; that was my take on the Mental Health Tag. Feel free to leave your answers below or to use it for your blog. Be sure to send me the link so I can check it out! 

Thanks to Tiffany for encouraging me to take part!

Anxiously,

Me

For Tiffany's links just click here!