YouTubers I Would Like to Meet

YouTubers I Would Like to Meet

Hi all!

Some of you know through reading my posts and maybe even my Tweets that a lot of the time, due to my depression and anxiety, I find it hard to leave my bedroom – and that’s on a good day. I can go downstairs and sit through a TV programme with my parents but that is my limit when other people are home. I have to know how long the programme is, though, so I can prepare myself. If I have to go out (appointments etc.) then I have to plan everything very meticulously. I have to know how I’m going to get there, when I need to leave, have my distraction techniques in my bag (phone & iPod) and how I’m getting home/when the bus is. Oh – and have the correct bus far if needed. If I’m going out with other people I need to know when they plan on being ready/are leaving so that I can be on time to leave with them or to meet them. It saves a lot of hassle and confusion and it also means that I have less of a chance for my physical symptoms of anxiety to get worse because, when they do, I have to go home.

When I feel at my worst, I can’t function at all so I put my phone away and I go to bed. This can last anywhere from a day to weeks on end so when that happens I just mindlessly watch TV until I feel better. Thanks to the technology of today I can watch Netflix and YouTube on my TV as well as Sky or DVDs so there’s always something to watch. My go-to when I feel bad is usually YouTube. There’s always a couple of new videos to watch in my subscription feed but I always end up going back and watching some older favourites on mine that I know have made me feel better in the past.

Today I thought I would write down a list of all the people I watch on YouTube that I would like to meet or just see perform live as their videos really help me to focus on something other than my illnesses and how I’m feeling.

YouTubers I Want to Meet/See Perform Live:

Jenna Marbles
Julien Solomita
Cristine (Simply Nailogical)
Lilly Singh (iisuperwomanii)
Rose & Rosie
The “Holy Trinity” –
Grace Helbig,
Hannah Hart
& Mamrie Hart
Tyler Oakley

Is there a YouTuber that you would love to meet or see on some sort of tour? Are there any that you would recommend meeting?

Anxiously,

Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on
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Friday Favourites - YouTubers

Friday Favourites: YouTubers

For this final favourites post I thought I would share with you who some of my favourite YouTubers are and display some of their videos that have really given me a laugh/much needed motivation (or were even too weird to not share) when I’ve felt quite terrible mentally. 

Jenna Marbles – Jenna is one of the first YouTubers I discovered back before the whole concept of being a YouTuber was even a thing. She’s also one of the few whose channel I have followed all the way from the start. She always makes me laugh and is the reason why I look forward to Thursdays. I just love her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude and how she still makes content that makes her happy but still asks her viewers what they would like to see. She’s the only person who can post a nearly 12 minute-long video of her dog reviewing soap and over 2 million (stats so far on the video) people will won’t even question it or think she’s lost her, well, marbles.

Rose & Rosie – Rose & Rosie provide some much needed comic relief when everything is going wrong. Their good moods are always infectious and I love how they can make each other laugh – which is great at drawing in their audience. They also come across as two of the nicest women on YouTube and I think that is key in making their viewers feel welcome to their channels. They are the only people who can make me laugh until I pee from a single word - “boop” for example (embarrassingly that is a true story. Hey! I was really ill at the time). Every time they post on Rose's channel, I leave it for viewing last (save the best til last) and even though content isn't as frequent on her channel (Rose's channel is their main video hub), I have been watching all of the vlogs on Rosie's channel all over again.

Cristine (Simply Nailogical & Simply Not Logical) -  Cristine is another who constantly makes me laugh with her videos. Not only does she do nail tutorials (wait; what? lol) that are easy to follow along with but she is also able to take the mick out of herself. She is another who isn't afraid to be herself and I admire her confidence. Going back to her tutorials, I've learned a lot from her. For example, I now know how to make my own nail decals and what holo actually is.
Just watch one of her videos and you’ll see what I mean.   

Lilly Singh (iisuperwomanii) – Most people know Lilly for her comedy sketches and whilst they are hilarious, it is her vlogs that really draw me in. Anyone who has watched one of them knows that not only does she set out a mission list for herself every single day (whether it’s to do x amount of interviews, rants etc. or even just keeping on track with self-care) but she goes above and beyond to make sure that she conquers that list. I always start of any writing day with one of her latest vlogs whilst I eat and plan out my own mission list. She is currently on a mission to make sure that every girl in the world has the opportunity to go to school and receive an education so below is a link to her campaign announcement. it also serves as an example of her being an absolute Bawse.

Liza Koshy – Liza is someone who has only recently just crossed my radar. She originated over on Vine until it closed but it was only through her YouTube channel (and Lilly Singh’s Christmas collab from last year) that I became aware of who she is. I find her character sketches hilarious – Helga and Younger Liza are two of my favourite characters. She's not afraid to just be out there and to be herself. I know for me I would struggle even just walking and talking in a store, never mind filming parts of character videos and vlogs in them.

Tyler Oakley – Tyler is another whose channel I have been watching grow over the years. Not only that but I’ve seen him grow into such a wonderful person. I really admire all the work he does for/in the LGBTQ+ community, particularly for the Trevor Project and all of his fundraising. I know that over at least two of his birthdays he set up a campaign for his fans to donate to the Trevor Project in lieu of sending him gifts. That’s the kind of person I like to see on YouTube; one who is not only charitable but also encourages his fans/viewers to do so as well. Also, who else can get Zayn Malik to confess that his middle name is Beyonce?

If you would like to a part 2 to this, let me know. I still have so many left to share with you.

Anxiously,
Me

You can Anxiously, Me on:
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Art

Art

When I was a kid, you could either find me writing, singing or drawing (never in class in case I got in trouble – I was anxious even back then). At home I was always daydreaming about what I wanted my life to be like – where I would live, what kind of house I would have, what my career would be… and then I would turn it into either a fictional piece of writing or I would draw what I had envisioned for myself. One time I even started a scrapbook with cut-outs from magazines and catalogues whereas nowadays I use Pinterest for that kind of thing. It was my way of coping with being bullied and having either no friends or only one at a time who would soon get bored of me because I didn’t like whatever was “in” at the time. As I got older, my need to be creative got even more intense as did my want to fit in. I joined a children’s circus which I attend up until I left Primary School, I was involved with NYCoS (National Youth Choir of Scotland), was in a choir at both Primary and secondary school, I was a leader at a local kid’s club and I joined a creative writing group. I would still do art work at home and write fictional pieces for myself but I kept that part of my world private. I didn’t want others to know that side of me for fear of being made fun for it, that my fantasies of finding someone who would love me for me and getting married to them were laughable to them because I was constantly told that I was “too fat” for “human things” like pretty dresses (yep; kids and shop assistants can be really cruel) and “too ugly” to even keep a friend never mind a boyfriend. I didn’t even have someone that I could share things like that with because I found out at a very early age that I couldn’t confide in people my age because they would take it and use it to make of me. Even now I don’t share things like that with anyone as I have never learned to trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable around them. I don’t mind people seeing me in my depressed state because I’m not ashamed of it but I will never let them see what makes me the happiest for fear of it being taken away. I have very few good days as it is and I will be damned if someone makes it so that I can’t enjoy even the smallest of things that make me happy.

As time went on and I got to high school, I had completely stopped getting any sort of enjoyment from performing or doing art due to a couple of teachers. This began in my very first week of high school and got really bad during my senior years (4^th, 5^th and 6^th year here). I stopped taking music class and going to choir when I entered 3^rd year (we got to pick most of our classes) because when I was in 1^st year the teacher called me out in front of the whole class for cheating on a test (or “pop quiz” as they’re known in some places). I hadn’t been cheating at all and there was no way for me to do so. I sat at the very back of the class (wasn’t even that far back as there were instruments behind us so I was more in the middle of the room), didn’t have a desk partner that I could’ve been copying off of and my phone was at home. I hadn’t been doing anything that could’ve looked suspicious either; I was just filling in my test form. I could never tell whether or not she was ever being genuinely sincere either as everything that came out of her mouth sounded sarcastic. I had started to physically feel unwell the night before I was due in her class as well (which I would later find out was a symptom of my anxiety) so I started missing school due to being unable to get out of bed for fear of being sick or would go home at lunch feeling unwell before her afternoon class. I would end up with throat infection after throat infection making it difficult for me to sing (late found to be brought on by the stress of being in her class). I spent a lot of time in the nurse’s office over those two years that I had her.
In art class I didn’t get any form of support from my teachers over the last two years that I was doing the course and aside from my anxiety and depression getting really bad, I clashed a bit with one of them. I wasn’t a kid who shouted out in class or who disrupted it; she just liked to pick on every single thing that I did. I didn’t like her for that reason and she made it clear that she didn’t like me despite not having a reason to – I certainly wasn’t going to give her one. She would tell me off if I decided to talk to the other kids at my table (which was rare as it was as I liked to just go in and get my work done and I was always quiet even when speaking) and would just make me feel unwelcome in her class. She seemed to get a kick out of making me feel like an outcast in her class so when I found out the she was taking my class again in 6^th year after 3 years of having other teachers, I gave her a couple of months to see if she did anything. At first we were fine; she actually said that she was “thrilled” to have me back and I was willing to let my first two-year experience of having her as a teacher slide. I wanted to get through my final year with very little to no issues. Then the little things that she did started to wear me down. Any tools that she gave me (pencils, clay cutting implements) were broken or severely damaged. When I asked for replacements she would spend most of the class looking for them so I couldn’t do any of my work (and would then tell me off for not having done anything) and when I didn’t know how to do something (photoshop for example), she would act as though teaching me how to use it was a chore. It got to the point where I was mute during my lessons with her (apart from the anxiety-inducing action of having to call out “here”) and I stopped asking her for help. I had had enough to the point where getting a good grade in her class wasn’t worth going in and feeling like everything I did was wrong so I would give into my feeling of being ill again (which I had tried to put aside for my last year for fear of not getting any qualifications so that I could go to college and live the life I wanted) and go home or not go to school at all. I spoke to my head of year about how being in class made me feel and he offered to speak to her about it but I didn’t want there to be any further issues stemming from doing so therefore my only option was to drop art. I felt like a failure but I was also so relieved that I no longer had anything holding me back or getting me down teacher-wise. 

However, in spite of all that, I would really like to share some of my art work with you at a later date so keep your eyes peeled for that!

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
This mental health and lifestyle blog
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Friday Favourites - Bands & Artists

Friday Favourites #2: Bands/Artists

Continuing on with last week’s theme of music, here is a list of my favourite bands and artists and why I enjoy their music. I aimed for 10 but, as you will see, I squeezed another onto the end!

My Favourite Bands/Artists:

Westlife (and all solo) – I have been a fan of Westlife since I was a little girl. Their music is what kept me going in my darkest times and still does to this day. If I’m having a really tough time or I am in an anxiety-inducing situation, such as being on public transport, then they are my go-to to calm me down. I saw them in concert 4 times in their career (all post Brian) and was even fortunate to meet them thanks to my dad and his “I will do anything” attitude to making me happy. He knew how much it meant to me to meet them so, after numerous let downs, he was the one who took me and my friend to stand in the middle of Glasgow’s town centre at 2:30am in the middle of winter.

Little Mix – Little Mix, to me, are a symbol of “Girl Power” (well, more like “woman”). Their songs are uplifting and empowering (“Power”, “Grown” & “Salute”  for example) and I find many of them really encapsulate how a lot of us feel (“Good Enough”, “These Four Walls” & “Little Me” to name a few). It always warms my heart to hear them dedicate “Secret Love Song” to the LGBTQ+ community. Their harmonies give me chills. I won tickets to see them live at the Apple Music Festival in 2015 and I was floored by their vocals in “The End”. I had goosebumps and was moved to tears. I definitely recommend seeing them perform live and would love to see them again.

All Time Low - I’ve only recently gotten into All Time Low (last couple of years) and I blame my best friend for my new-found love for them. I mentioned last week that I love songs with a rockier edge so their music really makes me happy. I can sing along at the tops of my lungs and really give it my all – something that makes me feel alive. I really want to see them live as well just so that I can have a couple of hours to just get lost in the music.

5SOS – Although I haven’t seen them headlining a gig, I have had the pleasure of seeing them support One Direction and they were amazing. I used to watch all of their livestreams and still do when I feel low – those videos really made me fall in love with who they are as people. What I love about them is that when they make mistakes they own up to them and don’t try to remove whatever happened (tweets, for example) so they can claim it never happened/or blame it on being young. That’s a lesson a lot of people still need to learn.

1D (and all solo) – I’ve seen these beauts twice; once pre-Zayn and once post-Zayn. I’m a sucker for boybands/men in music. I may or may not have a soft-spot for Niall (it’s the accent, OK? Sue me.) but that’s between us ;). I love their on-stage energy – even now they are doing their solo endeavours they still own the stage; they clearly belong there. The last time I saw them live I was having such a bad time with my anxiety but being in that audience gave me a couple of hours where I could just block everything out and feel alive for a while. It also made up for the fact that the first (and the only other ) time I had seen them I was so far away that I couldn’t see anything. I was so close to them that Harry even managed to splash me with the water from his bottle.

Demi Lovato – I really admire Demi for talking so openly about her struggles with mental illness. There was an article featuring an interview that she did regarding mental health that really made me realise how ill I was. I showed it to my mum and she agreed that I definitely was ill and was right to keep going to the doctor’s to get a diagnosis. It made me feel a whole lot less alone and crazy – that, despite being mentally ill, it wasn’t “all in my head”. Without that article I would’ve given up and not gotten the treatment I needed back them. I wouldn’t still be able to have access to said treatment either. In regards to her music; I do prefer her rockier sounding tracks to the more “dance-y” ones.

Taylor Swift – Taylor just has a song for every occasion. You can listen to her when you’re sad and want to wallow for a little bit or need a song to let out your frustrations to. Songs like “Shake it Off” really pump you up and her latest video for “Look What You Made Me Do” makes you want to take on the world. I also really enjoy the fact that if you look at her album sleeves, you’ll see that the song lyrics are all written in lower case except for certain letters. This is because each set of lyrics has a hidden meaning in them. For example, the capitalised letters in “The Best Day” spell out “God Bless Andrea Swift”. Not only is the song a loving tribute to her mum but the message is too.

Carrie Underwood – As I mentioned before in my previous favourites blog, Carrie is one of my favourite vocalists. Her songs transport me to different place and I love to just zone out and listen to the meanings behind her songs. She’s another artist that I would very much love to see perform live as I’ve got the feeling that, like when Little Mix sing acapella, she can captivate the whole room.

Selena Gomez – I really appreciate who she is as a human being and admire that, as a celebrity, she still manages to keep most of her life private. She’s always down to support a good cause and comes across as really supportive of other artists. You’d also never know that she suffers from lupus and has had a kidney transplant other than from the few times she’s mentioned it. Even then, it wasn’t for attention; it was to get awareness out about the condition and to thank one of her best friends who donated her kidney to her. I also enjoy a lot of her movies – “Another Cinderella Story” and “Monte Carlo” are two of my favourites.

Kelly Clarkson – Kelly is, for lack of a better, less pun-ny word, one of my idols. She’s not afraid to be herself not matter what size she is and that is really inspiring for people like me who hate the way we look. She gets so much flack in the tabloids for how she looks but she doesn’t give a damn which is a great example that we need to see more of. I’m not going to get into the whole “size/weight = healthy/unhealthy” debate as I’m quite sick of society deciding that how you look equates to how much love/self-love you are worth and, to be honest, I could do without the headache in the comments. She’s another artist whose music speaks to me and I can’t wait to get my hands on her new material (which will probably be out by the time this post is published).

Pink – Pink is another artist who sticks both middle fingers up to the world and declares “fuck you and your norms”. Forget wanting to be like Britney or Christina when I was younger; I wanted to be Pink. She was about the only artist at the time who said that it was OK to be yourself as she wasn't what you expected a popstar to be like. She showed me that it was perfectly fine to be myself even if no one else thought so and that it was OK to do your own thing, that you didn't have to follow the crowd to make a difference or to be accepted. I love that this is also something that she is teaching her daughter. She’s ballsy and takes risks yet also comes across as one of the nicest people to ever walk the earth. As with All Time Low’s music, I love to sing along to her songs at full volume and release all my pent-up emotions. It’s cathartic. Even now as an adult I still aspire to be more like Pink.

Join me next Friday for some more of my favourites!

Anxiously,
Me

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