The End of Blogtober/ A Recap

Blogtober 2017

Here you will find all of the links to my Blogtober posts!

I know it’s only been two days since my last master list post but I thought I would recap the entirety of Blogtober for you in case you missed any or want a single post where you can find all the individual ones. I’ll list all the links to the weekly recaps which were published on Sundays and then I will list all of the individual posts by type/day below it.
Some artices may have the links missing (from around week 4) as I have been without a secure internet connection this week and as I'm writing this, these posts are still currently listed as "scheduled" so I don't have the published link to be able to set them up now. 

Each individual post can either be accessed by clicking on its title or through any words that are in bold and are underlined.

Week One (1^st – 8^th)

Week Two (9^th – 15^th)

Week Three (16^th – 22^nd)

Week Four (23^rd – 29^th)

30^th October

31^st October (This post)

Mondays – Personal Experience With…

Bullying
Depression
Agoraphobia
Coping/Distraction Techniques
Paranoia

Tuesdays – Posts You’d Usually See on Mondays

Social Media Cleanses
Why I Started Blogging
Art
Little Known Facts

Wednesdays – Mental Health Information

The Circle of Avoidance
10 Rules for Coping with Anxiety
Avoiding Situations
OCD

Thursdays – Self-Care Q&A Responses

Jen
Bunnie
Kerry
Lola

Fridays – Favourites

Songs
Bands & Artists
Products
YouTubers

Saturdays – Super Bloggers

Courtney (Unfiltered Mama)
Bunnie (HappyBunnyBlog)
Cairon (Travel Bear 92)
Jordanne (Of a Glasgow Girl)

Again, please let me know what you think of these posts; I always look forward to reading your comment and I will reply to all of them.

I’m going to take a week or so off from blogging but my next question is: should I do Blogmas? You can either let me know in the comment section below or by the poll I will be posting on Twitter.

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
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Blogtober Weekly Recap #4

Weekly Recap #4

Wow. This month has really flown by. Here I am writing the final master list for a week’s worth of posts. There’s only two days left of Blogtober after this and then I think I’m going to take a well-deserved break from blogging for a week or two whilst I consider doing Blogmas or not. What do you think? Should I do Blogmas? Let me know in the comments below. Also; apologies in advance if this post is missing some links. I'm writing this in advance as I most likely won't have access to a compute/secure wifi and the links aren't available to me right now as they are still set as "scheduled". By the time you read this, however, they will be live. I will try my best to get them set up before I end up with no internet but if I am unable to I will update this page next week.
As always; anything in bold and underlined can be clicked to take you to the blog post I am referring to.

Coping and distraction techniques are a key part to me keeping from having complete meltdowns when I’m out and about so I shared mine with you on Monday.

On Tuesday I shared some more little known facts about me. I previously shared some when I did the requirements for the Versatile Blogger Award.

Wednesday brought some more information in regards to mental health. This week’s informational post was about OCD.

The lovely Lola sent in her answers to my self-care Q & A for Thursday’s post which you can find here.

You can learn all about who my favouriteYouTubers are and why via Friday’s instalment of favourites and who my super blogger of the week is over on Saturday’s post here.

Thanks for coming back for another master list; I really appreciate it and look forward to hearing from you.

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
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Little Known Facts About Me

Little Known Facts About Me

I thought I would take it easy for this post and do a little list of 10 little known facts about me. Then I  realised that I’m probably one of the most boring people to ever have existed and discovered that it was actually really quite difficult coming up with even 3 facts but I. DID. IT. So here are “10 Little Known Facts About Me”.

1. I did Judo. Once. I was the only girl and when it came to pairing up, much like with every time we were asked to pick partners in school, I was the odd one out. I think I was about 10 at the time but isn’t it funny how when you’re a kid you can just suss out right from the start whether someone or a group of people are right for you? I just couldn’t shake the feeling that if I went back I would yet again be left out so I quit. It wasn’t a big loss to me; I had no interest in sports of any kind and had no tolerance for martial arts. I don’t regret it either.

2. When I was a kid I used to fantasise about being a popstar and living in a mansion somewhere hot. It wasn’t so much the fame, money or the luxury that drew me in; it was the need to be recognised in a positive way (or just seen at all) and being able to live a life where I could escape from my past by moving as far away as possible.  If I’m completely honest; I still want that. I want people to see me for me and I want to be able to provide for myself despite being unwell.

3. I am double jointed. I only discovered this when I got my fingers jammed in a door and my fingers came out of it looking not unlike E.T’s. Turns out the joints had locked and because they were injured they were taking a little while to release and go back to normal.

4. I can also turn my tongue onto its side (both sides). How I discovered that is beyond me.

5. I can’t sleep if there is a mess. I have been known to tidy up friends’ bedrooms (or wherever we ended up sleeping) just to be able to sleep. I would ask permission first and they would be fine with it – it was freeing cleaning after all. They didn’t understand my need, this compulsion, to do so and neither did I until I started going to group sessions for anxiety and found out it was one of the traits that belongs to the OCD side of one of the forms of anxiety that I have.

6. Just over two years ago I won tickets to see Little Mix and One Direction at the Apple Music Festival in London. Aside from the anxiety and travel side of things (over 9 hours by coach and then another hour or so navigating the tube), it was an amazing experience.

7. That trip was also my first time away without my parents.

8. I have met Westlife, two of my favourite YouTubers/Vloggers (Jenna Marbles and Julien Solomita) follow my personal Twitter and Lilly Singh (iisuperwomanii on YT) has mentioned me by name in one of her vlogsprobably about 2 years ago now. If you’re wondering why there is no link to said vlog; I don’t want my personal account to be associated with this blog as it takes away the whole “being anonymous” thing I have going on.

9. In school I chose to learn both French and Spanish. I learned how to speak French when I was 3 from educational TV shows and songs but no longer speak it or Spanish fluently. I loved being in those classes. Myself and one other girl ended up confusing the teacher we had as she taught both of the classes and we sat in the same seats for both lessons. It also didn’t help that one day a week she taught us French 2^nd period and then Spanish 3^rd after a break. I also know Portuguese and Italian through songs and translating Tweets on an account for my other website.

10. I don’t speak about it but I have PCoS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). It’s an absolute pain in the ass (well, ovaries and uterus). I was told at 14 after tests that I had it and it was a relief to know that the extremely horrendous pain I was feeling, the breaks in between periods and the amount of blood loss I was experiencing was actually down to a medical condition and not something being seriously wrong. I was on medication for about 7 years for it until they had to change it because it was deemed a health risk (links to causing cancer and , oh, death) and also would have been a lethal combination with the antidepressants I was prescribed at the time too. Fun.

I hope you enjoyed those facts and learned something about me that you didn’t before. Have you had similar experiences?

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on
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Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia.

Google’s Definition: extreme or irrational fear of open or public places.

Dictionary Definition: Noun, Psychiatry - an abnormal fear of being in crowds, public places, or open areas, sometimes accompanied by anxiety attacks.

My agoraphobia started back when I was in high school. Back then I didn’t know it was agoraphobia or even anxiety that was causing it; I just knew that I couldn’t stand being in crowds or in big groups for very long and that this intense feeling made me want to run away and stay at home. As I said; I didn’t know that there was a name for this feeling and no one seemed to understand that when I felt this way I needed to leave whatever situation I was in and either come back when there was no one around (if it was a busy place) or be in an environment where I felt safe (at home with only my family) and that when I felt this way I couldn’t bear to be with anyone bar my parents. I would feel myself getting ill at even the thought of going out and would have what I would eventually discover to be panic attacks.


It made being with my group of friends quite difficult as in spite of being left out of many plans, I would find myself making excuses (too busy with homework, seeing my best friend who lived miles away etc) just in case they ever did invite me out. I thought that this was just because I had grown so accustomed to being left out and to being bullied whenever I left the house that I was putting a stop to getting hurt in the first place but it turns out that this panicky state I was getting into was due to anxiety. In a way, it did grow from my fears of being bullied and left out but sometimes I wonder if I was always just supposed to be this way because I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t anxious.

From the age of 17 this feeling only grew stronger. It got to the point where at school I would only hang out with my friends at the bottom of the back staircase during break as no one went there and if they wanted to move away from that area, I was stay behind by myself as the thought of going out into crowded hallways where I would be shoved and going out onto the grounds where I was be used as target practice for ball-based sports and as a human bin for other kids’ home economics (cookery class) creations terrified me. I was being allowed out of my classes 5 minutes early (thanks to my P.E teacher when I entered 3rd year at 14 who also let me study in the library during her classes to avoid the bullies) in order to beat the crowds and get to classes safely and at home time I was allowed out 10 minutes early to be able to get far enough away from the school that I would nearly be home by the time the rest of the kids got out. By college I was only going out to go to classes, my work placement or to a kids’ club I was a leader at. I was barely getting by due to my anxiety and depression and the only thing that made me happy was that one night a week where I could focus on entertaining the children with my best friend at my side. After I left college (you can find out the story behind that here) I was unemployed for two years and only left the house to sign on at the job centre or go to interviews for jobs that I didn’t even want. Nothing was going right, I was a complete mess and it led to me being even more depressed and anxious.

I would love to be able to tell you that now I go out as often as I can and enjoy it but that would be a lie and if there’s one thing I am not; it is a liar. I still hardly go out. I used to be in a routine over the last year or so where I would go to a group session one day a week and go into town every Friday but even that has stopped as I am longer seen by the department where I was receiving said treatment and have been waiting since last December for a referral to another. Going out it still extremely scary to me and I’m still recovering from all the times my now ex-best friend would guilt trip me into going out. I didn’t want to go out because I felt so ill and she would keep going on about how I “barely did anything”. Eventually she would say she desperately needed something and I would pull on my shoes and coat because I can’t stand people to go without.

Anxiously,

Me


You can find Anxiously, Me on:
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Super Blogger - Bunnie

Super Blogger Saturday

You might remember that she was my guest blogger on Thursday so, in keeping with one of my other posts this week and as a bit of a theme, this week’s Super Blogger is Bunnie. You can find all of her links at the end of this post.

How we met: I’m not sure who followed who first. I do recall that I replied to a #bloggerswanted request Tweet that she sent out back in August when she was looking for guest posters to write about their mental health and she emailed me straight away. You can read the piece that I wrote for her here.

Her personality: Bunnie is genuinely one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with via social media and email. She always replies with the warmest and friendliest of responses and is always up to lend a hand whether it’s with checking something works on my blog or simply by being there to talk to. Like with other super bloggers that I have/will be mentioning; she is extremely supportive and is an all-round amazing human being.

What she writes about: Like me, Bunnie writes about mental health and her blog also falls into the lifestyle category. Whilst her blog is still fairly new, so far she’s written about Accepting ChronicDepression and what’s in her Panic Bag.

All of her posts are personal to her – she basically bares her soul on her blog – and I think that makes it so much easier for her readers to connect with her and get a feel of who she is.

Her writing style: Bunnie pretty much writes in a conversational style – as though she were talking directly to you and not at you. It’s one of the things I like the most about her. The way she writes makes for easy reading and you instantly feel welcome on her blog.

Why you should follow her/read her blog: You should definitely check out Bunnie’s blog and her various social media if you enjoy reading any of her posts that I have listed above or if you like reading my blog as our overall concepts are very similar. If you’re interested in reading about how other people deal with their mental wellbeing then her blog is certainly one to check out.

Where you can find her: You can find Bunnie on Twitter as @happybunnieblog and you can read her blog here.

So; why not check her out? Be sure to say “hi” when you’re there or even give her a little follow!

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
The blog
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram.

Self-Care Q&A Response #12 ft. Bunnie

Self-Care Q&A

My new friend, Bunnie, is the 3^rd contributor in this round! You can find her on Twitter and her blog. Discover what she had to say about self-care here:

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

I feel tired and run down. I can feel myself slipping/getting lower in mood. I don’t want to go out.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

I like to do it alone.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

Sometimes. Yes, most of the time. I feel like I’m needed and if I go to take a day to myself to sleep and wind down the whole word goes into chaos. (My world and home life at least)

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

I have two animals, a cat and a hedgehog. As cats generally are, my boy is laid back and very easy to look after. However, my hedgehog is hard work. I adore her. I wouldn’t change her for the world, I never regret getting her but she is a lot of work. I also have a partner whom I live with. I am besotted but he relies on me quite heavily. We both struggle with mental health issues and I feel like I have to be around and stable/okay to make sure I can support him. He would probably hate to hear me say this. He doesn’t do anything to make me feel that way – it’s just how I feel even if it’s not true.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

Not guilty as such. I don’t think that would be the right word. I know that the people around me know of my struggles and that it’s something I need to do (heck, everyone should do) but like you said before – I do feel that I need to rush.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I have a whole routine I have written up which one day I would love to follow. It includes proper bed and meal times and a “Mental Health Day” where my phone is off and everything but self-care is cancelled – I am unavailable to any-one else. Yet, at the minute it’s just me grabbing a bath in the evenings I can, to unwind.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

 Not really in a set order but there are certain things I like to do on MH days

·         Eat healthier and three full meals

·         Plenty of water

·         Bath with candles and relaxing music

·         Yoga

·         Meditate

·         Brain training apps

·         Read

·         Drink camomile tea

·         Have a chat with someone on 7 Cups (kind of like counselling)

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

Carry out my MH day, sometimes I’ll bake, read, watch a film (especially “Inside Out” which reminds me it’s okay to feel the things I feel) but my favourite thing is, if I’m feeling up to it (and can get a lift). I visit my best friend. She has an 11 month old and they never fail to cheer me up. I know I can just be myself and sit and feel sorry for myself, have a nap or watch crap on YouTube. She’ll normally drag me out to the shops which is good because I get some sunlight and a little walk. If the weather’s nice we’ll have lunch outside too which is lovely. Plus her little one gives the BEST cuddles.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

No, I really should have some affirmations. I suppose I try to remind myself that it’s okay to feel the things I’m feeling, that I’m human, I’m not alone and it’s not going to last forever. After writing this out I think I’m going to add that perhaps I’m feeling low as a reminder to take some time to myself.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this? 

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TAKE TIME TO YOURSELF. It’s necessary actually. It’s an order okay? DO IT. Take one day a week. Do something YOU love. Turn off your phone. Shut everything else out – this is time for you. Nothing else matters today.

~ Thanks again to Bunnie for answering the questions! Remember that you can find her at happybunnieblog.wixsite.com/happybunnie and https://twitter.com/happybunnieblog.

Anxiously,

Me

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised.

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10 Rules for Coping with Panic

10 Rules for Coping with Panic

1. Do breathing techniques – breathe in through your nose for a count of 8 and then out through your mouth for the same length of time.

2. Try not to run away from the place where your panic attack occurs. The longer you wait, the better you should feel as the fear begins to pass. If you keep leaving when you feel at your worst then it gets harder to return.

3. Your body has a natural “fight or flight” response and the panic attack is an exaggeration of this.

4. Whilst they might be intense; these feelings will not harm you and are not dangerous.

5. Try to rationalise your feelings. Look out for catastrophic and exaggerated thinking.

6. Take notice of what is actually happening in/to your body (physical symptoms) - not the fear - and keep breathing. It will pass.

7. It may seem obvious but the fear will fade once you stop adding frightening thoughts into the mix.

8. Take the panic attack as a time to practice coping techniques. You are learning how to cope with your fear without avoiding it.

9. Think of all the progress you have already made – there are no little accomplishments when recovering. Everything you accomplish – be it big or small – is a key part in your recovery.

10. When the feeling of panic/panic attack goes away; look around you. Make a list of what you want to do next – where you want to go, who you want to see etc – and move on at your own pace.

*Note: Pieces about Mental Health Information are based off of what I have been taught and the "homework" books that were given are used as a guideline for these posts. Whilst I may have been taught these things by health care professionals, I am not one and information may change or be inaccurate. If you feel at risk by your thoughts and feelings or have concerns about you health; please seek help from loved ones and health care professionals. This information is not to be used to self-diagnose. If you know you have hypochondriac tendencies, are sensitive to subjects like bullying, depression and anxiety, and are easily triggered then information and experiences shared in this blog may cause distress. I have tried my best to provide trigger warnings and warnings about sensitive subjects but please read at your own discretion.

Why I Started Blogging

I have a passion for writing and I’ve had several blogs over the last 12 or so years. Back then it wasn’t referred to as “blogging” – it was just posting about whatever came to mind on sites like MySpace. I stopped when I got to about the age of 15 as by then bullies at school where using it as a way to cyber bully me and I couldn’t face logging in to yet another torrent of abuse. There wasn’t a protocol for reporting it either as at that point cyberbullying wasn’t a term that was being used and there was no way of prosecuting anyone for it. There wasn’t even awareness that this was an actual thing that was happening. I made the mistake of making an ask.fm account in my final year of high school and the cyberbullying continued. As there was the option to be anonymous, I noticed that the influx of mean messages increased when I got to college and started doing the work experience part of the course. There was a distinct difference in tone between the people I went to school with and those that I was at college with/working with so I just thought it best to close down the account. If that was how everyone saw me - “batty”, “fat”, “ugly”, “miserable c***” (and a whole lot worse that I won’t repeat because I really don’t feel like reliving what made me suicidal or end up triggering anyone) for being depressed, anxious and openly writing fan fiction then I didn’t want to know. If they couldn’t say it to my face then why should I let them post it anonymously? I was depressed enough as it was without it encouraging a cyberbullying free-for-all.

I started blogging again when I left high school but only got into a routine in the last 3 months and these days I blog as a way to stop myself from bottling up how I feel. It acts as a release of sorts. When an article is finished, uploaded and published I feel this sense of relief that comes from physically releasing my thoughts out into the world and it helps me to forget about whatever I’ve been writing about for a while. The only downfall from this, though, is knowing that what I say is out there for everyone to see and it makes me extremely anxious waiting to see if anyone comments with something negative about it or criticises it without being constructive as I am so used to receiving comments from people over the years telling me that I’m “crazy”, that I should just “get over it” and to “get a life” because “no one cares”. This has played a huge part in my need to be anonymous; to stop the comments from getting to the point where they are attacking me personally for my looks or for who they think I am based off of going to school with me and not even knowing me.

My Writing History:

I have been writing fictional short stories based on my depression and anxiety for years now – at least since I was about 12 so that’s 13 years of writing – and decided around 7 years ago that I would start writing openly about my own life. I more or less only wrote my journal-style posts for myself for nearly 7 years until I decided to venture out into posting more informational pieces and wanted to see how it would do if I were to suddenly start promoting it on Twitter (and make said social media account for it). I also have a website that hosts fictional stories that I am currently in the process of relaunching and at some point will probably link to it from here – if I ever get over the fear of showing you all the fictional things that I have created.

The original version of the blog started as a bit of an online journal where I would write about what I had been up to, how I felt and whatever had been causing my distress that week and has now turned into a blog that has not only made myself feel not as alone but has made other people feel like someone else was in the same boat. The amount of connections I have made because of this blog has been phenomenal and I am completely taken aback by the response to it.

Being Overwhelmed:

When I feel overwhelmed I take to writing and it helps me to refocus and not concentrate on whatever has been bothering me. As of this year, though, blogging has been a tad overwhelming so I’ve been writing more and more which is both a blessing and a curse (hello, Blogtober). The blog has done better than I ever could have imagined in such a short amount of time and it’s been quite surprising to me to see just how well it has done as until this year no one cared about what I wrote or even how I felt. That in itself is just mind blowing.

A Change:

As a result of making the Twitter account for this blog, it has really boosted my confidence in writing. I would even go as far to say that this version of my blog has been a bit of life changer. It’s so weird to know that people actually like the real me and are willing to keep coming back week after week (or in Blogtober’s case; day after day) to get to know me better and to help us all to not feel as alone. I feel better about myself too and I’m so happy that a lot of you have messaged me over the last few months to say that you feel better too or that my posts have given you the confidence to seek help or to even be a bit more social on social media. I’m not a doctor or mental health care professional by any means but I have been through a lot of treatment over the years as well as just experiencing things like agoraphobia and severe anxiety & depression and I’m so glad that I am able to share with you all my experiences and what I’ve learned from being in treatment.

So: thank you from the bottom of my heart for either coming back time and time again or for even being a new reader. There are over 500 of you on Twitter who read my blog, who choose to message me whether it’s just to say “hi” or because you need a friend and whom are just some of the loveliest people ever. It amazes me how many times certain posts of mine get viewed, how many of you “like” my Instagram posts and how many of you RT things I Tweet over on Twitter. It’s not about the numbers, though. It’s about the loving and caring nature of it all. I’ve never felt such love before and it’s all down to you wonderful lot.

Thanks for sticking by me!

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
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My Experience with... Depression

My Experience with… Depression

As some of you are aware from previous posts of mine; I’ve had depression from a very young age. I showed signs of having it from when I about 10 but was only officially diagnosed with having it at 19 when I was no longer considered being of school age. I think I have mentioned before that my doctor didn’t want to formally diagnose me until I was out of school and I think that it’s because it is not really recommended to give anti-depressants to children/teenagers. Initially it was put down to “being a teenager”, “hormones” and “rebellion” – which I resented as I wasn’t intentionally being rebellious; I felt like I was drowning and bullying at school made me not want to go (it made me so anxious and down) so, if I could get out of going to school, I would. In my post about anxiety I wrote that I would call up the school myself and tell them that I wasn’t going back (if it was after lunch) or that I just wasn’t going in at all that day. Being depressed and anxious made me physically ill (on top of dealing with horrendous periods but I’ll skip that for now) so I often felt too sick to even get out of bed and didn’t want to go to school for fear of being sick in class and not being able to get to a toilet in time. I would constantly have breakdowns – particularly the night before homework was due in or tests – and I regularly battled between not sleeping most nights (Sunday nights – Thursday), getting an hour or so of sleep, waking up every 20-30 mins or even sleeping too much (Fri nights – Sunday daytime. I was so low, physically & mentally ill and tired, and no matter how many times I went to the doctors or told my teachers; no one seemed to want to help. The bullying made me suicidal, as I stated in my anxiety post. I didn’t want to go to school where I had to be with those people and I didn’t want to have my home life invaded by them either as by the time I was in my final year of Primary School, the bullies had literally brought their insults and taunts to my front door. It was a really miserable time.

I thought things would be different when I went to college but it wasn’t. I was still being bullied, this time by new people who I had no connection with, and I was having a really difficult time with coping. It was during college that I had such a massive breakdown that I was signed off sick for weeks at a time until I eventually had to leave about 2 months before the end of my course due to being so unwell, not being able to go to college and not wanting or having the energy to do my coursework. I felt like such a failure for having to leave and sometimes I still do when I’m reminded of it with each new school year and “back to school” post. However, I remind myself that I made the decision to leave because I couldn’t cope and that it wasn’t worth my mental health suffering any more than it already had.

Another thing that affected my depression was the lack of sunlight. Here in Scotland schools start in August and finish in June so a lot of our schooling done in the autumn & winter months but even our springs can be quite dark as well. At college, we started in September so it was already getting darker at night. I left my house at 6:50 in the morning when it was still dark and would return after 6pm, sometimes after 8, when it would be dark again. The only times I saw daylight were walking from the bus to my college and if I happened to look out of the window during lectures. I’d wake up, get ready, go to college, be in lectures from 9-4, get home for 6, have dinner, shower and go straight to bed. My time was either spent in theory classes, at the schools where I did my practical work or in bed crying. I wasn’t living. I merely existed. And I didn’t want to.

I spent the next two years on benefits because I couldn’t work due to my depression and anxiety but, as doctors wouldn’t diagnose me or give me treatment other than medication which I didn’t want to take, I had to sign on every two weeks. Going to the job centre every two weeks would drive anyone insane. It made me feel worse to be made to apply for jobs (otherwise you get sanctioned and your money gets stopped) that I knew either wouldn’t get or wouldn’t keep due to my illnesses. I felt pressured into getting a job every time I went in and was made to feel as though my efforts weren’t enough despite applying for more than 2 jobs a day and going to interviews. They could clearly see that I was in distress but, again, no one wanted to help. It was only after I got my first “proper” (translation: paid) job and lost it due to being ill that my adviser suggested that I apply to get ESA (Employment & Support Allowance). I didn’t even know that that was choice. It seems to be that to be considered a “valuable member of society” you have to get a job and you can’t have illnesses that make you unable to do so as it then automatically makes you a “scrounger”. I’m far from being a scrounger and I’m not lazy; I am mentally unable to cope with having a job due to crippling social anxiety and can’t keep one because most days I can’t even get out of bed due to my depression and severe anxiety. I felt bad even being on benefits but I had my share of bills to pay and no means of being able to live without it and now I feel bad about being on ESA. I didn’t choose to become ill. I didn’t choose to be unable to cope with what goes on in my head and what happens around/to me. It just happened.

I don’t know how to get over these feelings of depression and anxiety or to stop feeling guilty for being on benefits/not being able to work so I do what I feel I do best; I write. Before it was writing fictional pieces loosely based on what I was going through and now I write these blog posts. I still get nervous sharing them, though, as there are people who simply just don’t understand. That makes me scared. It makes me scared that, like when I shared my thoughts and feelings on the internet when I was of school age, that my comments section will be filled with vicious trolls who get a kick out of making people miserable because they know they are susceptible to being tormented by it. Unlike back then, today I can just delete any negative comments and there are ways of banning people so please keep that in mind.

Anxiously,
Me

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Self-Care Q&A Response #7 - Katie

Self –Care Q &A/Tag

This week’s response comes from the glorious Katie! Read below to find out how she takes care of herself when she’s feeling down and how she knows when she needs some self-care. You can find her blog here and on Twitter.

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

I know I'm in need of self-care when I start to feel run down or drained - sometimes it can even be that I notice I've let my nails chip or not washed my hair in days, then I'm like... ok, pull your finger out Katie.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

I really value alone time - I used to hate my own company, but now I'm like gimme more! I find peace in being quiet and being able to please myself.. that said my boyfriend makes me feel loved/safe/secure, so I value him a lot too.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

Sometimes, yes. I get it in my head that I'm being selfish or that there's a billion and one other things to be getting on with, like laundry or cleaning; but if I don't take care of me every now and again, I'm never gonna be able to tackle those billion and one other things! It's all about finding a balance.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

I live with a fair few people in the house and I don't always feel able to relax, I'm just on edge - but when I'm in my room I feel a lot better. Mostly I'm best when nobody else is home!

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

100%! Like I said, I'll justify it that there's loads of other things to do, people will think I'm being selfish etc.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I generally go with the flow, but if I feel like I'm reaching that point where I've pushed myself too hard or I'm drained, I'll make a point of going 'ok, so tonight I'm going to do this, this & that, just for me!'

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

Not particularly, I guess I like to do my nails, skincare, eyebrows etc and feel like I've really taken the time to physically look after myself. I try to eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired, exercise a little - I think I just try to listen to my body and mind as much as poss!

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

I like to have a hot bath (preferably with a Lush bubble bar!), listen to music, watch Harry Potter or a Disney - my boyfriend is brilliant, and my Grandad can be so uplifting to be around. I find running to be really good for me, especially if I'm feeling tense, and I definitely find blogging therapeutic, especially since I talk about mental health a lot - it's a good outlet!

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

Funnily enough, it's only recently that I've started 'talking to myself' in an effort to pick myself up; whether it's just a "come on Katie, pick yourself up", or an "I WANT TO LIVE", in order to push myself to seize the day as much as I can, live in the moment a little. Sometimes it's just as simple as "You're ok". Surprisingly, it really can help.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

Firstly I would say, you're not to feel guilty for making time for yourself - I know I'm one to preach! But it's crucial to take care of/& love yourself. It's like acceptance & it can make the world of difference. I've recently discovered the joys of my own company & not having to please other people all the time - which is a big deal for a self-confessed people-pleaser! My point is, if you want to do something, do it. Like to paint? Go paint. Like to swim? Go swim. Like to grow vegetables? Go grow! Doing things that make your soul happy makes pathways for more happiness.

~ Thanks again to Katie Rose for taking part! How do you  relax?

Anxiously,

Me

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Self-Care Q&A #6 ft. Kayleigh (Brushneen_blog)

Self –Care Q&A/Tag

This week sees the lovely Kayleigh providing the answers to the "Self-Care Q&A". You can find her on Twitter and on her blog.

                                               

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

I have what's known as a generalised anxiety disorder which comes with many ups and downs, good times and bad, I know that I need to invest in some self care when it starts to become a daily struggle again, when I feel I'm constantly worrying, on edge and physical symptoms become more frequent (racing heart, feeling short of breath, tense etc) and I just feel overwhelmed with it all.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

It's only since I began to blog (approx 2 months ago) that I started to be more open about my mental health and struggles with anxiety. I tend to try and keep it to myself as much as possible but If things get to much and I feel I need some help to help me through whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a chat or both I'll turn to my Fiancé and close family. They have stood by me through so much and continue to do so and I can't thank them enough for that.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

I find it very difficult to make time for myself, I think many parents can relate to that, I absolutely love being a mummy and my family are my world but it is easy to … well ... neglect myself I suppose with everything else that needs to be done and making sure everyone else is ok. I think I just need to make a bit more of an effort to look after me as well sometimes.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

Hmmm.. I suppose this can sort of tie in with my previous answer in that there's just not much time for that "me time" i'd say, as silly as it sounds, it's actually mostly myself that gets in the way as I find it hard to relax and I'm always thinking/stressing about what needs to be done so just don't schedule in time for myself.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

Yes. As much as I know it's important I do always feel so guilty if I have taken some time out for myself even if it's just an hour in the bath! I'll be battling to justify it to myself and thinking about other things I could be getting done or that I should have focused that time on my daughter. It's difficult.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I rarely schedule "me time" it's very much just going with the flow. It's not really a regular thing.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

I wouldn't say I have a routine as such but there are certain things I tend to do when feeling a bit overwhelmed, things that help to ease the anxiety.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

For me you can't beat a day out with my loved ones, they always manage to cheer me up. I also find reading, writing and music helps to relax me. I'm really enjoying writing my blog and find that quite therapeutic. Another thing that helps is getting out to get some fresh air, a nice walk or even a visit to the park with the little one. I tend to isolate myself when my anxiety is bad yet always feel so much better when I've pushed myself to get out and about.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

Not really, I just remind myself that I've got through it before and I can do it again and that everything will be ok.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

It's something I'm still working on but try not to close up and battle it by yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help and talk, it really does help! Find a hobby or something you enjoy that you can help to calm, relax you and take your mind off any worries/stress. Be kind to yourself, remember that you're important too.

~ How is this the 6th response to this already? Only 4 more left then we'll see about maybe doing a 2nd round, or a new Q&A!

Anxiously,

Me

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#5 Self-Care Q&A - Ams' Response

Self-Care Q&A - Ams' Response

Ams is our contributor this week! Keep reading to find out what her views on self-care are. You can find her links at the bottom :)

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

A: When is long overdue both my mind and body tells me it's time. My mood swings are over the top, energy is gone and the weight in my mind and chest slowly drains me.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

Let me just say the alone time it's a must especially when it comes to taking care of yourself. I personally do both but I always start with some alone time, not only do I enjoy it but it's necessary for my own mental health. I need to heal myself first before I go to someone. Of course, I always run to my boyfriend when I need the extra love and care.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

No, I honestly don't. Even when I'm super busy with balancing work and life I try to always do at least the smallest things for myself, even if that means spending an extra 20 minutes in the shower or taking a late night drive, or even laying in complete silence in bed I try to get it done.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

It depends on the type of "me" time I'm doing. If I'm trying to relax at home and there's too much going on I get irritated really easy and I can't enjoy it, the vibe goes out the window. If I’m trying to get my thoughts out or working on ideas for the blog I need to be in complete silence or else everything is going downhill. But other than that I have learned to balance on having some me time and still be surrounded by people.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

NOPE! And you shouldn't either. For your sanity this is necessary no matter how many plans you cancelled last minute (done that) or feelings you hurt (done that too), you need to put yourself first, because when both your mind and body are telling you to take care of yourself you better do it and not care whose feelings you’re hurting on the way. I don't feel guilty because I'm truly the only person that understands and deals with myself every day all day, I come first.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

Both, like I mentioned before I always try to do at least the smallest thing for myself, a drive alone, go to the park/beach and enjoy the view, manicure, and pedicure alone, or even a facial at home after a long day. I schedule me time for those times when life gets really busy and I need to work around a schedule to be able to get everything done, so I put some time to take myself out to eat or even cancel a day (Sunday) and just let it be for me. I also schedule a “me” time for when I'm on vacation, I take a day or half a day to date away from everyone and enjoy the vacation by myself (which I recommend).

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

I don't think I have a routine; I just like to incorporate as many things that feed my sanity to my daily routine and that can be from the smallest to the biggest thing.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

My blog. When I say focusing on my blog has saved me/brought me back to who I am, is not an understatement. But I always start with finding a place where I can be in complete silence. Why? Because I can't just distract myself for that moment, the feelings will come back to haunt me. I need the time in silence to let it all out or to just let it sink in, and once few minutes have gone by I start to do things that make me happy. Get some food, enjoy the day, go for a walk, work on the blog, etc. If I'm at work I put my headphones on and escape the noise or walk to my car and sit in silence during my lunch break.

 9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

I'm constantly talking to myself and telling my mind to not go there. I always make sure I give myself all the compliments in the world (I have to be my biggest fan), and I also read a lot of motivational quotes when I need the extra push.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

I will just say, START cancelling plans and STOP feeling guilty about putting your needs first. Even the smallest thing that you do for yourself counts. Stay in the car an extra 5 minutes to get away from people, watch the sunset by yourself, lock some doors and breath! Or just simply cancel a day. But most importantly don't depend on anyone to make you feel better, do it yourself. Enjoy to be alone; you will learn so much about yourself.

~ Thanks for reading! You can find Ams on Twitter and on her blog.

QoTD: What is your number one go-to that helps you relax? 

Anxiously,

Me.

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