10 Rules for Coping with Panic

10 Rules for Coping with Panic

1. Do breathing techniques – breathe in through your nose for a count of 8 and then out through your mouth for the same length of time.

2. Try not to run away from the place where your panic attack occurs. The longer you wait, the better you should feel as the fear begins to pass. If you keep leaving when you feel at your worst then it gets harder to return.

3. Your body has a natural “fight or flight” response and the panic attack is an exaggeration of this.

4. Whilst they might be intense; these feelings will not harm you and are not dangerous.

5. Try to rationalise your feelings. Look out for catastrophic and exaggerated thinking.

6. Take notice of what is actually happening in/to your body (physical symptoms) - not the fear - and keep breathing. It will pass.

7. It may seem obvious but the fear will fade once you stop adding frightening thoughts into the mix.

8. Take the panic attack as a time to practice coping techniques. You are learning how to cope with your fear without avoiding it.

9. Think of all the progress you have already made – there are no little accomplishments when recovering. Everything you accomplish – be it big or small – is a key part in your recovery.

10. When the feeling of panic/panic attack goes away; look around you. Make a list of what you want to do next – where you want to go, who you want to see etc – and move on at your own pace.

*Note: Pieces about Mental Health Information are based off of what I have been taught and the "homework" books that were given are used as a guideline for these posts. Whilst I may have been taught these things by health care professionals, I am not one and information may change or be inaccurate. If you feel at risk by your thoughts and feelings or have concerns about you health; please seek help from loved ones and health care professionals. This information is not to be used to self-diagnose. If you know you have hypochondriac tendencies, are sensitive to subjects like bullying, depression and anxiety, and are easily triggered then information and experiences shared in this blog may cause distress. I have tried my best to provide trigger warnings and warnings about sensitive subjects but please read at your own discretion.

My Experience with... Bullying

My Experience with Bullying

*Sensitive issues warning/trigger warning*

Bullying is something that I have experienced from a very young age. Back when I was in Primary School, up until the age of 10, it didn’t bother me to the extent that it eventually would.  I was so used to being called names, of being made fun of and only having one friend at a time that it became the norm. That, as far as I was aware, was how all people were; unkind and intent on causing me as much emotional and physical harm as humanly possible. These days it’s hard not to still feel that way as from the age of 5 to 18, it was all I knew and it really stuck in my brain that this was how people like me were/are supposed to be treated. In fact, I’m so used to being treated this way that anytime someone says something positive about me or is even the tiniest bit kind towards me, the alarm bells start ringing in my head as, when childhood bullies were nice to me, it was because they were trying to pull some sort of prank on me or were trying to get me to believe that they had changed so I would let down my defenses so that they could hurt me all over again.

When I was about 10, something inside me changed and every single thing that happened to me seemed to cut deeper than it had before. The comments about me would ring out over and over again in my mind until I got so angry that I started taking it out on my parents when they would ask me a question or try to talk to me.  I wasn’t just being teased about being fat anymore; I was being subjected to bullies coming up to my front door and yelling their insults through it. They were no longer just aimed towards me; they would pick apart the way my parents looked, things that they did etc. They literally brought the bullying to my door, as if going through it at school and on the way home (thankfully I lived - and still do – just across the road from my old Primary School) wasn’t quite enough. It certainly wasn’t enough for them either to yell obscene things at my parents as they walked our dog or to tell my dad that at 10 I was “shagging” people (I wasn’t and that remark has stuck with me and effects my relationships  - or lack thereof). I became afraid to go outside and to even try to connect with my peers as nothing good ever came out of it. This has led me to being diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I suffer from agoraphobia and even the thought of going downstairs or going outside makes me so upset to the point where I will go only go downstairs to get something to eat if no one else is home.
During this period in my life, as I walked to friend’s house with her one day after school, some girls that I didn’t even go to school with but who still had it against me for looking the way that I did, threw broken glass at us. It was traumatising to say the least and further cemented why I shouldn’t go outside.
I got called things like “sumo wrestler” because of how awful I looked in an old bridesmaids dress of my mum’s that I wore one Halloween. People in my class would tell their younger siblings (I helped out in their playground to avoid my own) to avoid me because they couldn’t stand them liking me more than them. I was nice to their siblings when they weren’t and even that pissed them off to have someone who was willing to make sure said children were OK if they were having a tough time of things.
When I got to be a bit older, at around 11, I begged my parents to stop making me go to before and after school clubs and to also let me start going home for lunch just so that I could eat in peace without people taking my food away because I didn’t “need to get any fatter”. I wasn’t eating anything different to the kids at school. In fact; my lunches were healthier than most of theirs but apparently I wasn’t deserving of any kind of food whatsoever because I was fat. Is it any wonder, when kids are that cruel that their victims and those that witness their behaviour end up with eating disorders? That’s something else I will cover at a later date.

High school wasn’t any better. As I was constantly shamed if I ate lunch in front of people in Primary School, I took to going home at lunch as it was only a 15 minute walk away. This did leave me only 15 minutes to eat and another 15 to get back to school but I didn’t care. I was free for a whole 15 minutes. It didn’t mean I escaped the cruel taunts going to and from school during lunch, though. People would throw bits of their food at me as if I were a wild animal and one girl even went as far to jog beside me yelling “knees up fatty! You need to lose weight!” as I walked home. Needless to say, I refused to go back that day and protested going back to school for the rest of that week.
This is when I started to skip school more frequently and would just flat out call up the school myself and tell them that I either wasn’t going back after lunch or that I wasn’t going in at all. I honestly didn’t see the point in going if I had to be let out of classes anyway because people kept putting gum in my hair and was constantly being made fun of because I liked to learn and wanted to. I really did want to go to school because I wanted to get an education – hence why I didn’t leave as soon as I turned 16 but opted to stay until the end of 6^th year- but it was really hard to get the motivation to do so as my time there was always filled with bullies making it known that I wasn’t welcome and feeling so bad to the point where I seriously questioned my existence. I only became worried about not going to school when there became talk that if kids skipped school then their parents would be fined or even jailed if they didn’t send their kids in. I still didn’t want to be there but it wasn’t my parents’ fault that I wasn’t going; it was down to me not wanting to spend yet another day in hell. I didn’t know it at the time but I was suffering from severe anxiety (something I wouldn’t discover until I was 23) and (formally) undiagnosed depression.
It was then that I also became suicidal. I didn’t go down the self-harm root of cutting myself but if I had a spot or a scab, as gross at it is, I would keep picking at it until it bled or hurt. I would also think about dying a lot (still do but in a different, more anxiety-filled way), specifically my want to die, but I wasn’t suicidal in the “I’m going to kill myself” way that the world has become accustomed to. It made me careless. I started to not pay attention when crossing the road. I didn’t care if I got hit by a car because it physically would’ve hurt less than the internal pain I was feeling. I didn’t care if I were to suddenly get really ill to the point of hospitalisation because it meant that I wouldn’t have to go to school. I didn’t care about how I looked as, even if I tried, I would still get taunted for being “ugly” or “too fat to wear human clothing” and I didn’t care if something bad were to happen to me.
If I questioned why they treated me that way or had the audacity to let it be known that it bothered me and that it made me want to hurt them (something I never did or would’ve acted upon) then I would be subjugated to rumours going around about how I was “weird” and wanted “to kill” them. Rumours were another form of bullying that I had to put up with. I was off school for 3 weeks once due to multiple infections in my throat, chest, sinuses etc and when I came back I was met with “Oh. So you don’t have cancer.” Turns out people were thrilled to learned of this new rumour and were even more so of the fact that, if it were true, then I was probably going to die. Unfortunately for them I wasn’t sick and that somehow made them hate me even more.

My biggest downfall – and it’s not my weight, how I look or my passion for learning – is that throughout it all I was still kind and forgiving towards every single one of them. I would still offer them a smile in the hopes that they would see that I wasn’t as bad as they made me out to be (not that any of them really knew me) and I would let them play with the toys that I brought for “Golden Time” to the point where they were really just taking advantage of me. One Christmas I even gave a candy cane to a girl who had not only made my life hell but had made me want to kill myself as a bid to get her to stop. Did it work? Did it fuck. She was nice to me for all of 24 hours after one of the deputy heads called both of us into his office so that he could try to shock her into leaving me alone by telling her (and what he told her was absolutely true) that my parents were worried that I was going to kill myself. The only time I ever fought back against a bully was when one of them and her cronies cornered me at the bottom of a secluded staircase. My fight or flight instincts kicked in and this time it told me to fight. I did try to walk away but she kicked my back really hard. I lost it. I didn’t know who it was that had kicked me but I was going to make sure that it never happened again. My eyes locked on one who had dared to keep insulting me and I grabbed her by the collar, hoisting her upwards. I didn’t have to do much else other tell her to stay away as the rest of them backed off me and promised to never even look my way again. Maybe I could’ve handled it better but maybe they should never have decided to bully people in the first place. I didn’t see much of them after; they chose to avoid me and I was grateful for it. If they saw someone else trying to bully me they would pull them aside and warn them to stay away from me. I’m not proud that it got to the point where I had to take that kind of action but when you’ve got an endless tag-team of people bullying you and no teacher willing to take them on you get desperate. Desperate enough to fight back and desperate enough to call in sick day after day.

This is still something that is really hard for me to talk about. Writing this recount has made me cry and reminded me that even though I am aiming for recovery, everything that has ever been said to me or has happened to me has stuck with me and made me the anxious, depressed mess that I am. It’s made me so anxious that I am scared to post pieces like this for fear that those who read it will call me names, won’t believe me or worse; try to call me out on something that I’ve said when, really, I know that I should be as I can just remove their comments and block them.

If you ever want to talk to me about what you’re going through/have gone through with bullies, feel free to message me. My Twitter DMs are always open.

Anxiously,
Me

You can find Anxiously, Me on:
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Why I Don't Like Lists on Twitter...

… and Why I Don’t Want You to Add Me to Them.

You may have noticed on Twitter that whenever I get added to a list, I ask to be removed and here is the reason why; I find it extremely triggering. Now, that should be where I leave that statement but, whenever I ask to be removed, I always get asked “why?”  And I’m rather fed up of it. It’s not because I’m being rude and don’t want to talk to anyone/want to cause an argument/want to be difficult but it seems to be the case that no one has thought that maybe I just don’t want to talk about it? Why? It’s painful. But no; they want answers and never seem to be satisfied with “please can you remove me?” Or with the follow up: “because of personal reasons”. Is that not enough? To be asked nicely? To be told it’s a personal matter? To be honest, it’s really not anyone’s business but my own and I shouldn’t (I don’t, really) owe you an explanation but there are those who still want to know so here we go:

Back when I was in high school, people used to add me to lists all the time (not just via Twitter – I don’t think they were an option back then) and let’s just say they weren’t for anything nice. So now every time I get added to one, my brain goes to “why have they done this? Who is going to see this and what have I done “wrong” to warrant being put on a list?” It was traumatising, to say the least, that I could just go about my normal day (going to classes, keeping to myself, barely looking at anyone or interacting with them) and still be put on a list for “Fattest Bitches in S4” that I would then be sent or even tagged in. Yes; back then I was fat (still am) but it’s not like it was such a secret that I didn’t know and needed to be told – or the rest of the school.
Do you know how traumatising that form of bullying can be? To be put on lists of “People to Avoid” when your biggest crime was just wanting to learn? I know there will be some people who will question whether or not that is bullying and I think, if you have to question it, then you should take a good, long, hard look at some of your own actions and decide whether or not they are potentially harmful. It’s not only humiliating but extremely damaging to your self-confidence & self-esteem and can make people so depressed over why others can’t just accept them for whom they are that they don’t want to be alive because, according to that lovely list, they don’t deserve to be.
So, naturally, now whenever I get added to a list, I’m instantly transported back to that time and back to feeling like I don’t belong.  I hate feeling like that so therefore would rather not a) be put on lists and b) be asked about why I don’t want to be on them.

The next time someone asks to be removed from a list, group chat etc or for you to stop doing something to them I want you to ask yourself these important questions:

Could it be a personal, private reason as to why the person doesn’t want to be included?
Could asking be potentially triggering?
Do I want to be the cause of someone’s pain?

And then, if you still want to know the reasons why, ask yourself this final question:
Is it any of my f------ business?

The answer is no. It’s not. They don’t owe you an explanation at all and you have no right to be asking why.

Please be considerate of other people’s feelings and don’t pry; if they wanted to tell you then they would.

Now that you know why I don’t like them or want to be added to them, if you still really want to add me to a one; ask me first and tell me what the nature of your list is. If I say “no”; it’s nothing personal to do with you and, again, I’m not trying to be difficult; I have my reasons and I really don’t want to talk about them. It’s not beneficial to you to know and it’s certainly not to me. Oh, and please be following my account first otherwise you just look like a stalker and it makes me even more anxious knowing that someone I don’t know has added me to something.

Anxiously,
Me

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Alcohol & Me: Why I Rarely Drink

Blog 8: Why I Rarely Drink

Please bear in mind that I live in the UK so the legal drinking age is 18. For more information please go to Drink Aware.

Like a lot of teenagers, I used to drink. I’m not talking getting black-out-drunk (anxiety prevents me from doing so and I’m also the mumsy-take-care-of-everyone type); but at least 50% of the time I had with my friends was spent drinking either at their homes or at parties. Back then, I enjoyed drinking; it was a way to blow off steam and gave me a huge boost in confidence that I was severely lacking. I want to make it clear that I was in no way an alcoholic; it was just drinking on Friday or Saturday nights and during what would be school breaks – not every night and certainly not during the day. I have learnt over the years that with my anxiety and depression comes a tendency to binge/obsess over things so my need to constantly drink alcohol when I was drinking with friends could be explained through that. It’s why I can’t just watch one episode (or series) of a programme and need to have to complete series of books before I can start reading the first one.

These days (the last 3 years), I drink far less frequently. I very rarely go out due to my anxiety and when I do, I try to refrain from alcohol as it really depresses me (it is a depressant, after all) and I tend to feel more paranoid even if I only have one drink. If I do have a drink, I need to be in a really good mood and so on-the-go that I don’t have time to think about anything right up until I fall asleep otherwise I’ll be awake all night worrying.

Worrying is also a big part of why I rarely drink, or even go out with, people who tend to go out of control. Whilst I am the type to make sure everyone is OK, it is stressful. I’m so aware that people can get alcohol poisoning, and that, if they haven’t blacked out, they are likely to be vomiting. When you’re the designated caretaker (whether it’s self-volunteered or not) it’s rather scary to have friends who are alcoholics and/or are binge drinkers but who also deal with severe mental health issues. I don’t know how to take care of them and so I would hope that by saying that I’m not going to drink (around my friends who aren’t as dependant on alcohol as other friends) would serve as some sort of example. I also don’t tend to hang around them if they have been drinking as a lot of the time they will try to convince me to drink with them which isn’t something I want. I like making my own decisions – I have to for my own physical and mental health – and it makes me dislike being around those who try to persuade me  as it appears that they don’t respect my decisions. Luckily now I only have one friend that I see regularly (who has been dealing with mental health issues and problems with alcohol) that now respects my decision not to drink and knows that if I am over at her house it is to make sure she and her family are OK. I care too much about her to be an enabler.

That is why I stay away from alcohol as much as possible. Sure, in the fridge I have at least two bottles of vodka that people have given me as holiday gifts but they have been in there for at least two years now with no chance of me opening them any time soon. It’s not hard for me to not drink; I don’t have an interest in it anymore and, as I said before, I need to be in a really good mood before I’ll even consider ordering alcohol of any kind. Also, what with being on medication for said anxiety and depression, mixing alcohol with medication isn’t advised. I did try to have an alcoholic drink at a party once whilst on them and it just made me so tired that I had to leave earlier than I had planned.  I certainly don’t recommend it either. I have seen what it does to close friends and I don’t want to end up going down the route. I know where my compulsions lie now and that helps keep me on track.

Anxiously,

Me

Self-Care Q&A Response #3

*Edit Note: I have fixed the font size 4 times now but it keeps reverting back to the smallest font size which I have never set it as. No idea what is going on.


Here is the 3^rd instalment of responses to the “Self-Care Q &A” that I am hosting! Nouf is our contributor this week so please check out her links! (@NoufNotes)!

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

N: I personally know when I need self-care when my mood drops and I start to care less about important things.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

I rarely have time to be alone because I am a full time student and work all the time, so personally I prefer when I set time for self-care it is by myself.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

Yes. I have such a busy schedule it’s hard to set time for myself when I’m trying to manage academics, work, a social life, and my health.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

Outside noise is the most disruptive for me. I usually listen to music during my time set aside and it is hard to have to hear other things while the music is playing.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

I would be lying if I didn’t say yes. I think besides setting time aside for self-care this is one of the reasons it is so hard. I feel guilty in the sense that I feel I should be “more productive” with the time. Obviously self-care is a necessity that everyone should set time aside for, but when you have so much to do it can be hard to remember and not dis-value it.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I “go with the flow.” I usually know when I need it by how my body has been acting physically and emotionally.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

I don’t necessarily have a routine, but there are some things I always try to do. I usually put on a face mask, play some music, and meditate. This is a great way to slow down, clear your head and unwind after a long day. After that I love going to the monuments (It’s an #OnlyAtGW hobby I cherish. Plus it is always pretty!). Being outside and feeling the sun on your skin instantly brightens up my mood.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

Definitely spending time with friends is a great activity that always cheers me up. I am grateful to say I have such a great group of friends that always radiate positive vibes (when they are not roasting me). This is my go to when I am feeling down because it is guaranteed laughter and good times.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

One of my flaws is that I constantly compare myself. I push myself harder than anyone else can. Rather than judging what I haven’t accomplished, I realized it is okay to remind myself that “I am enough.”

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

Turn off your phone to avoid any outside notifications (just for the moment). The world is moving at such a fast pace that we forget to just slow down, take note of what we need, and know it’s okay to be still for a second.

~ And just like that we are at the end of the post again! You can find Nouf on Twitter and the link to her blog can be found here!

What do you think about the Self Care Q&A responses so far? Do you agree with anything that the contributors have said? Do you have a self-care routine (or segment of one) that hasn’t been spoken about yet? 

Also, just as a reminder, I always reply to your comments (usually within hours as I'm hardly offline these days). I also get really anxious over my posts - whether the size is too big/small, if it's too long, if the spacing looks weird/bad etc - so if you have any helpful advice, I really would appreciate it.

Anxiously,

Me

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised.

You can find me on Twitter, Instagram and here on this blog :)

Caffeine & Me

Note: I’ve tried to word things in a way so that they wouldn’t trigger anyone but if you are affected by subjects such as losing weight & eating then this is a little disclaimer that those topics are covered.

Why I Quit Caffeine.

For those of you who know me, you will know that I love coffee. I would get a cappuccino before my lectures at college started, refill during breaks and always had a constant supply when I was working. I very rarely actually made the coffee; I would buy it from local businesses, the college canteen and pre-made cups sold by coffee brands to the corner shop. You might think that this is weird for a coffee lover but I have only ever been into Starbucks once (blasphemy, I know) and as of January this year decided to cut it out of my diet. Not only did I cut out coffee but I also ditched the energy drinks and fizzy juices. Here are my reasons why I cut out caffeine and how it affected me:

1. I wanted to lose weight. Losing weight has always been something that I have found difficult to achieve because of medical reasons but my relationship with caffeine was something that I decided was also a factor in not losing weight.  I had a look at the nutritional values on the packaged and found that the numbers were far higher than I wanted them to be. All the pre-prepared coffee and carbonated drinks were packed full of calories (not to mention sugars & fats) that weren’t even making me feel full so those plus snacking/eating meals was having an effect on my weight.  Therefore I switched to only drinking water and structuring out my meals to coincide with the daily nutritional guidelines.

2. I want to keep my teeth. I may not care about my outward appearance but I am rather fond of my teeth. As you all know: sugary drinks are bad for your teeth and erodes them. I have anxiety-induced dreams of mine falling out and, to be honest, I need them for chewing. I also didn’t spend years in braces just for them to get ruined. Plus paranoia over coffee breath just wasn’t worth it.

3. Caffeine also makes me extremely jittery. As soon as I realised that this was a factor in my anxiety, I cut it down. Removing it is something that I could cut out to reduce anxiety and hopefully help me have a better night’s sleep.

I expected it to be hard but despite having a couple of beverages here and there, it’s actually been a whole lot easier than I thought it would be. I used to rely on it making me feel more awake but it would never work when I needed it to and would only kick in as I was trying to get to sleep. For the last 3 years I’ve been working on drinking more water (and basically not taking any unexpected trips to the dentist) so ditching the fizzy drinks was more of a natural occurrence and I have to say; I don’t miss them.

In the end, cutting out caffeine has helped me in my battle with anxiety. Not only do I sleep better but I’ve also been losing weight steadily (with a diet & lifestyle change) and I’ve not had to have any more treatment done at the dentist bar my usual check-ups. I will occasionally let myself have a coffee or fizzy drink but only on days when I feel really good otherwise it makes me shaky and I go on a downward spiral mentally. I don’t miss it and the effects have only been positive.

So what about you, dear reader? Have you tried cutting out caffeine? If you haven’t; do you think you could?

See you on Friday!

Slightly less anxiously,

Me

Self-Care Q& A with Jenny (Jenny in Neverland) #selfcareqanda

 Welcome back to the “Self-Care Q &A”! This week’s response section is dedicated to the wonderful Jenny (www.jennyinneverland.com/ @jennymarston_xo)! Still working out font, sizing etc so please bare with me! 

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

J: I usually know if I'm feeling particular anxious: more so than usual. Or if I'm feeling more down than usual. Those two things are always a reminder than I might need to step back and chill out.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

I always practice self care alone. Often, being around other people makes it worse. On the occasion it doesn't but it's hard to differentiate when I need another person and when I don't so usually I keep to myself.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

Ummm, in terms of doing things just because I enjoy them and just being "me", yes. Because I'm always worked up about or thinking about something else like blogging, work, life, other people.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

The major thing that gets in the way of my me time and self care is other people - specifically their moods. I'm majorly affected by other people's moods and if they've had a bad day, than can instantly make me feel rubbish and have a crap day too.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

Nope, never! No one should ever feel guilty for looking after themselves.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

I tend to go with the flow and see what happens from day to day.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

No specific routine but there obviously are certain self care activities I like to do.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

I like to get a cup of tea and chocolate and watch my favourite YouTuber. Or cook myself a meal or watch a documentary.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

Not on a daily basis but if there's something stressful going on I'll always remind myself that this won't last forever. This stressful phase won't last forever and it'll pass - just like everything else. And that usually makes me feel better.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

Find something that works for you. Don't just do what everyone else is telling you to do. And take care of the basics first: eat, drink a glass of water, have a shower, get dressed. Take CARE of yourself.

~ That’s all for this week! Thank you to Jenny for taking part! You can find her on Twitter and if you want to see what she’s been getting up to, you can find her blog at www.jennyinneverland.com! Just click on the underlined words and they will take you straight to her!

Do you have any self-care tips for other people? Is there a specific thing you like to do when you’re feeling down or anxious? Let me know in either the comments below or feel free to dm me on Twitter.

Anxiously,

Me

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised.

10 Reasons Why I Said "No" to Working with You

10 Reasons Why I Said “No” to Working with You

Since I started blogging with my new host, I’ve had a few people asking to work with me whether it is for a collaborative post, a contribution or just straight up telling me to advertise their work/blog/products. So far I have declined more than I have accepted and here are the 10 brutally honest reasons why:

1. There wasn’t enough info. I’ve tried to research what it is you are trying to get me to contribute to/advertise and there was very little to no information – even when asked. If I can’t figure out what it is that you are ultimately trying to sell me through your site/social media biography then how will know if it is the right fit for me and my readers?

2. Your product was too new & had no available statistics. Whilst I appreciate that you may be up-and-coming, again, if there is no information out there then I can’t determine if we will be a good fit.

3. No reach. You have very little reach as do I. We’re probably not going to benefit each other.

4. Little to no engagement. Again; you have no communication with your followers and as my blog is still fairly new, I have very little. If there is no way of getting a response from you then who am I supposed to get in contact with if I have issues with your product or questions?

5. No rewards.  You expected something for free and whilst I’m not one to say “pay me or you get nothing”, I would still like at least some acknowledgment for my part.  

6. Your product/site looked like a scam. If there is barely anything on it and you yourself are not contributing to the site other than creating webpages for the content then it just looks like you are getting other people to do the writing work for you with no credit being given and passing it off as your own.

7. You wanted me to be biased. Sorry, but no can do. If you want me to do a review for you then I have to write truthfully. Morally, I cannot endorse something if you are telling me what to say and I disagree. Also be aware that even if I don’t like the product, unless it is harmful, I will still encourage others to try it out – but only if they want to – so a “bad” review isn’t necessarily a negative thing. I like to be supportive and just because I didn’t have a positive experience with an item it doesn’t mean that other people won’t.

8. You were rude or had an attitude. We live in a world where you can contact virtually anyone online. Therefore; you have to think about what tone you are trying to convey and if you are doing so effectively. Telling me to do something and demanding to get your way will get you nowhere. If you really want to get me on board then you at least have to be polite.

9. You ignored important questions. If I ask you questions; answer them honestly and to the best of your ability. If you fob me off with some excuse as to why (for example) you have very little to show online for this product that you want me to sell then I will assume that you have no idea about why you are selling this in the first place, have no passion for it and are just out to make money.

10. You were caught in a lie. You may have tried to tell me you were “moving hosts” and that that was why there was no available information for what you were trying to get me to contribute to. The link on your social media took me to a clearly unfinished website with no links available to the previous site you claimed to have had. Your social media also gave no clues as to what your site was about and you were rude and defensive when I politely asked for more information. You may even have completely ignored my questions despite asking me if I had any in the first place. This made you seem untrustworthy and I can’t work with someone who was just so outright rude. You may also inspire future passive-aggressive blog posts based on what NOT to do when asking for contributions/a review/advertisement.

Ultimately, if you want to work with me then please be polite, keep it professional and be respectful. It will make any decisions we make together a whole lot easier if I do decide to work with you. No one wants to work with someone who appears to be shady.

So that was my “10 Reasons Why I Said “No” to Working with You”. Part of it may have been inspired by a specific person/experience. What do you think? Is there anything I missed? Is there anything that really gets on your nerves that brands do when asking to work with you?

All this talk about bad experiences with brands and individuals has gotten me worked up so I’m away to cool off. Join me on Friday for another contributor post.

Anxiously,

Me 

New Segment & #ff!

Self-Care Q&A w/ Courtney from Unfiltered Mama

Welcome to the “Self-Care Q &A” and also the day that I am dedicating to contributions from the friends I make on Twitter! I (Anxiously Me) made up some questions about self-care and decided to ask some of my friends their thoughts on said topic.  To kick things off, here is the Q &A I did with my new friend Courtney (Unfiltered Mama)! She is also my recommendation for #ff & you can find all of her links below.

1. How do you know when you are in need of some self-care?

C. I can feel my anxieties coming on, as well as all of my depressing thoughts. They don't usually just hit me out of nowhere like they would when I was younger. I start segregating myself from the outside world and keep all conversations short. So when I start feeling down in the dumps, I make it my job to get myself out as soon as possible.

2. Once you are aware that you need to take care of yourself, do you usually do so alone or do you have someone you can go to when you need some TLC?

 I prefer to be alone. I mean, I love the cuddles and everything in between. But I like to save that for when I'm at the peak of feeling better. When the anxiety and depression first hits, it's important for me to deal with it on my own. The quiet time, when I find it, helps me deal with whatever is at hand during that moment.

3. Do you find it hard to make time for yourself?

I'm a stay at home mom so I don't really get that "me" time that I need. It's my own fault for not working harder to get it. My daughter is 17m old and my anxieties are so bad that I have not left her side yet. I can't and won't do it. To top it off, I'm currently pregnant so if I really want that time to myself.. I have to calm myself and just do it.

4. Is there anything that gets in the way of your “me” time/disrupts it (for me: noises outside can put me on edge or if other people are home I need to be mindful of how long I take, say, in the shower)?

I can't really put the blame on my daughter for disrupting whatever I consider "me" time right now. But when I'm writing, I have to do it when I know no one will interrupt. If something else grabs my attention, I lose focus and instantly get writers block. In a matter of seconds I'll lose all of these wonderful things I had to say and start searching for the motivation to start again.

5. Do you ever feel guilty for having “me” time?

As I said earlier, I've never actually taken the time to be by myself. But if I'm brave enough to write while my daughter is awake, then yes. It's hard to stop and go and keep repeating that when she wants my attention. That's why I save it for when she naps.

6. Do you schedule in “me” time or do you “go with the flow”/only take “me” time when you feel you need it?

When I have my off days I know I'll need some recovery. So I take it as it goes. Some days I just snap out of whatever mood I'm in. But it takes a lot of work, most of the time, to dig myself out of the hole I created myself.

7. Is there a self-care routine that you try to follow?

I consider my writing, my blog, a self-care method. So you could say it's "scheduled." I used to post every day but then I started feeling like I was overwhelming my readers with my personal story. Since then I've created a more scheduled-like week for my blogs and so far it's been going well.

8. When you feel down/not like your usual self; what do you do to cheer yourself up (hobbies, being with loved ones etc)?

Being around my daughter is always something that works instantly. But other than stating the obvious, I like to clean while listening to music. I dance around and sing like a lunatic, but it always picks me up high enough to feel better for the day. Writing, of course, has always been my outlet. That's always my first go-to.

9. Do you have any mantras that you say to yourself as a pick me up or on a daily basis?

Nothing specific but I do like reading motivational quotes and passing them on to others. They help me feel empowered and if I know someone else who's having an off day, I want them to feel that "I can survive this" feeling I get every so often.

10. Finally; do you have any self-care tips for anyone who might be reading this?

There is nothing wrong or selfish with putting yourself first. Take the time you need and run with it! Your mind, body, and soul deserve the self-care you're seeking. It is so important to be aware of your mental health. I, for one, am not ashamed to put my feelings out there and let everyone know when I'm having a rough day. But doing so helps me feel better. So do what you need to get yourself to that point. Make today the day you strive to be a better you. And as always, let me know how it works out for you!

If you want to follow Courtney, you can find her on Twitter at @_UnfilteredMama and her blog is here. She would love to hear from you!

If you decide to use this, please let me know first and give credit. There’s nothing worse than finding out something that you worked really hard on has been taken and uncredited, sometimes even plagiarised. 

See you all on Monday for another new post!

Anxiously,

Me

Mental Health Tag #MHAW17

Mental Health Tag 2017

Back in May I was made aware of the “Mental Health Tag” through a retweet of the lovely Tiffany’s (“Food and Other Loves”) take on the questions. I asked her if I could join in and she told me to “go for it” so here we are! I’ll leave a blank copy in the comments below if you want to do the same!

1. What is your mental health issue?

I have severe anxiety (generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety). This includes panic attacks (during bad spells I hyperventilate multiple times a day) but I feel physical symptoms of anxiety every day, agoraphobia and mild OCD (flares up when really anxious and/or stressed). I have also been struggling with depression from a very young age (showed signs of it when I was around 9-14, was full-blown by the time I was 15 and finally diagnosed at 19 after going to the doctors for years).

2. Do you have medication and/or therapy?

Yes; both.

3. What therapy/medication have you tried and have any worked for you?

I was first prescribed anti-depressants when I was 19 but didn’t take them as I wanted to get better on my own. When that didn’t happen I began taking citalopram when I was 21 and the dosage was upped before my 22^nd birthday. I was then switched to fluoxetine (Prozac) when I was 23 as it wasn’t working. I felt the same on fluoxetine as I do “normally” so I’ll be honest and say I stopped taking it a while ago.

I’ve had counselling on and off since I was 9 and am now awaiting an appointment with the mental health services which could take 5 months+ to get. I’ve also been to group sessions for mindfulness, anxiety management and self-esteem, and I’m currently going to drop-in sessions. I try to go at least once a week. The drop-in sessions are great as I get to chat to others and not feel as lonely but it takes a toll on me.

I also did a programme called “Beating the Blues” were I sat in a sectioned off area at a computer and answered questions about how I felt each week but that wasn’t helpful at all.

4. How long have you had problems for?

I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember – I’ve never known life without it – and I’ve had depression (official diagnosis) since I was 19 but had showed signs of having it from as young as 9.

5. Do your family/friends know?

Yes; I am very open and honest with them as issues affect me on a daily basis. My immediate family knows when I’m having a bad day as they know what signs to look out for and, with friends, I’ve started telling them that I can’t go out because I’m too anxious or feel too ill from physical symptoms when I’m having really bad days.

6. Does this affect your work and daily living?

Definitely. I can’t work because of how anxious I get (this relates back to mental bullying and having no confidence). I get tongue-tied and start stuttering. I completely shut down and it’s not through lack of trying to calm myself down. My anxiety is so severe that I have ton plan everything down to the last detail – what time I have to wake up, when I have to get on the bus, how long I can stay somewhere before it gets busy – so that I know I have an escape plan for when things get too much. It takes me days (during good spells) to work up the courage to even put the recycling in the bins and it can take weeks for me to be ready to face just the thought of going into town.

I have to lock the doors when I’m the only one home and every little noise makes my shoulders go up towards my ears. It’s like being scared on a daily basis that something terrible is going to happen – even when nothing happens. Having said that: I love scary movies. This is probably because I know it’s just a movie and will end either on its own or if I stop it. It’s a part of being scared that I can have control over.

7. What makes you feel calm?

Music plays a big part in keeping me calm. I will sit with headphones on if I’m on any kind of transport (or if I’m walking), or if I’m at home I will be in my bedroom with my music up loud (but only if there is someone else home). I started this blog as a way of keeping me busy so that I wouldn’t have to think about the noises and the constant feeling of being scared. I also read a lot and that helps me to focus on something rather than my fears of something bad happening.

8. What do you do in crisis?

I tend to stay in my room and be alone. Although; I did have a breakdown recently and that made me feel even worse about being alone so I’ve been downstairs all of the time (unless I’m trying to sleep) and have been hanging out with my parents more.

As per my answer to the last question; I listen to music or I watch anything on TV (usually whilst on my last top at the same time to “keep busy”) from box sets to YouTube and Netflix.

If I’m having that bad of a time where social media is getting me down then I will go offline for days, even weeks, at a time and don’t touch the laptop until I feel better. I even put my phone in a drawer so that I’m not tempted to go online.

9. What advice would you give to others suffering?

I suggest seeking help and letting other people (parents, teachers, best friends - people you trust and those who need to know in order to support you). Keep pushing to get taken seriously and to get a diagnosis if need be. I had to persist all throughout my teenage years to get a formal diagnosis for depression (it was blamed on teenage hormones but I knew it was more severe than that) and then I had to keep going back for another 4 years until I was then told that I had severe anxiety and actually given help.

Also; plan. If going somewhere is stressing you out then plan it out. Know how you are going to get to/from a place, make sure you have enough money for transport, food etc and make sure that if you are meeting up with someone that they (and you) know what time (roughly) you will get there and where to meet up. If it helps; call the person you are meeting whilst you are en route and talk to them. You don’t have to talk about your plans/worries about meeting them if you’re like me and worry that you’re going to annoy them. It can be about anything that helps take your mind off of things.

If you’re having a bad day and want/need to be alone then make sure you have your comforts. Personally I like to lie under a really soft, thick blanket and watch TV or read a book. There’s no judgement here if your comfort lies in an old teddy or a specific piece of clothing. If it makes you happy and makes you feel safe then it is the best thing for you to help you recover.

10. What makes you smile?

At the moment it’s reruns of “2 Broke Girls” and “Pretty Little Liars”. Again, my favourite music and artists make me smile – or even just make me feel a little happier. YouTubers like Liza Koshy, Jenna Marbles and Lilly Singh also make me smile. They always make me laugh and Lilly’s vlogs, especially, really help with getting motivated to type up a blog post or to even just find the will to get out of bed.

11. Describe your mental health issue in 5 words –

Challenging, terrifying, confusing, lonely & exhausting.

12. Insert a picture to make people smile –

I couldn't find what I had in mind so instead please enjoy this link to Jenna Marbles' video of her and Julien (Solomita) making things for their hamster. 

"Making Tiny Things For Our Hamster" - Jenna Marbles

Well; that was my take on the Mental Health Tag. Feel free to leave your answers below or to use it for your blog. Be sure to send me the link so I can check it out! 

Thanks to Tiffany for encouraging me to take part!

Anxiously,

Me

For Tiffany's links just click here!